Love Life Coaching

But He is Such a Nice Guy: Another Lie We Tell Ourselves?

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Could we really lying to ourselves when we say our romantic partner is such a nice guy? I was listening to a woman tell a story about this guy who pursued her, told her he was over his ex, and had a relationship with her. They had a lot of fun, had great talks, opened up about their feelings and were very compatible. Suddenly he began to act weird. Get grew distant, quiet, and pulled away. She called him on it and he said that a few weeks ago his ex had contacted him and they began talking and now he is confused about his feelings. He said he didn’t want to lose her he just needs some time to get his head on straight.


It goes without saying this woman is upset and hopes it will turn out in her favor. After all, he told her when they first met he would never get back with his ex. He said many times that he had closure on the past relationship and was ready to move forward with her, not go backward with the ex. He told her he and the ex tried so many times but the relationship was irreparable. Cut to the chase – he went back to his ex.


This woman then went on to talk about how much it hurt to lose him, how upset she was that he did not give her a chance, but gave the ex (who he said was crazy and would never change) another chance. She said her family and friends hated him for doing that to her. She said she understood why they were mad, and that what he did was horrible, he was wrong for not telling her he was talking to the ex long before he did……BUT,HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY. I did a double-take. He is such a nice guy? Are you kidding me? Since when is someone who leads you on a nice guy? Since when is someone who lies to you a nice guy? Since when is a guy who uses you knowing damn well he is going to dump you when/if his ex comes back a nice guy?


This guy had an on/off relationship with his ex. People who have on/off relationships use people during the time they are “off” with their ex. That is what they do.This is nice? By what standard? Why did he start talking to his ex unless he wanted to get back with her? You don’t if you have moved on. You don’t if you are in a new relationship and are really giving it another chance. And why didn’t he tell her right away he was talking to his ex? Because he is a sneaky bastard, that’s why. NOT A NICE GUY.


He used this woman, either for someone to spend time with, someone to try and get over his ex with or to make his ex jealous. Nice guy, huh? NO! NO! NO! NO! Maybe it makes people feel better to think they got screwed over by a nice person who didn’t really mean to do it than someone who did it purposely? I don’t get it. I think it is the opposite.


When you recognize Mr. Nice Guy is actually Mr. Dirtbag Weasel you will get over him faster. You don’t hold onto false hope and become the puppet girl who jump when he pulls your strings. You get to move on with your life and don’t develop an on/off relationship with him similar to the one he has with his ex. 

 

If I were a criminal it would be great if I had “But he is such a nice guy” women on my jury. Sure, I robbed people, but I help out in a food kitchen and love to play with kittens. If I am such a nice guy, they should find me innocent and let me go free. If you think the guy who cheated on you is a nice guy then you should have no problem letting me off the hook. You did it for him, why not everyone? Remember, If he lies to you repeatedly, cheats on you, or leads you on, he is not a nice guy.

But He is Such a Nice Guy: Another Lie We Tell Ourselves?

But He is Such a Nice Guy: Another Lie We Tell Ourselves


I don’t care if he fixed your garage door opener and picked your kids up from school when you couldn’t. Does it really matter if he donates to charity, coaches kids sports, and loves his mother? If he cheats on his wife HE IS NOT A NICE GUY. Nice guys don’t cheat. Sorry, but they don’t.

Here is a little check list for future reference:
1. If you lie repeatedly, you are not a nice guy.
2. If you stand a woman up, you are not a nice guy.
3. If you are not ready for a new relationship (and every human knows if they really are or not) but pursue a new one, you are not a nice guy.
4. If you cheat on a woman instead of breaking up with her you are not a nice guy.
5. If you stay in a marriage because you don’t want to split your assets, and cheat instead, you are not a nice guy.
6. If you call a woman nasty ugly names every time you get angry, you are not a nice guy.
7. If you abuse a woman verbally, mentally, physically or emotionally you are not a nice guy.
8. If you cannot give a woman what you know she really wants but keep her around to get what you want, you are not a nice guy.
9. If you know it hurts a woman when you fail to contact her, but you do it anyway, you are not a nice guy.
10. If you won’t let a woman move on because you want a back-up plan then you are not a nice guy.
11. If you use a woman for a booty-call and lead her to believe she would ever be more than that to you, you are not a nice guy.
12. If you let other people treat you like a doormat and want the woman in your life to be a doormat right a long with you, then you are not a nice guy.
13. If you disrespect the woman in your life (alone or in public) or let others disrespect her without doing anything about it you are not a nice guy.
14. If you treat everyone else in the world like gold and her like garbage you are not a nice guy.
15. If you have nothing to do with or support your children (and never gave them a chance at having a relationship with you) you are not a nice guy.
16. If you borrow money from a woman and do not pay her back you are not a nice guy.
17. If you expect your woman to be there for you but are never there for her you are not a nice guy.
18. If you insult the woman in your life constantly, instead of complimenting, her you are not a nice guy.
19. If you do not open up your feelings to a woman even though she opened hers to you, you are not a nice guy.
20. If you play head games you are not a nice guy.
21. If you drink too much (or do drugs) and act like an ass*ole when you do, you are not a nice guy.
22. If your opinion is the only one that counts and the decisions are all up to you, you are not a nice guy.
23. If you have a bad temper you are not a nice guy.

And there you have it. I don’t care if the above mentioned men save the whales, cure the common cold or kiss baby seals. It doesn’t matter. They may have *some* good qualities (if you are a baby seal) but not the ones that matter in a relationship.

 

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Sarah Adelle

Sarah is a Certified Relationship Life Coach and Soulmate ~ Twin Flame expert with 20+ years experience helping clients around the world live the life and have the relationship they desire. Sarah is here to empower you to see the truth in your situation, not enable you to remain in a place that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Sarah will lift you to see the reality of your situation, providing guidance to see you through it. She will also help you get control of your relationship, if it can be saved, so you have can the relationship you have hoped for. Sarah co-hosts two weekly radio shows, primarily geared toward relationship issues, called Empower Enlighten Envision on Weds nights on BlogTalkRadio as well as CBS NewSkyRadio.

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