Love Life Coaching

Friends With Benefits Is An Oxymoron

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Friends with benefits is an oxymoron. Exactly what benefits do you have in a situation like this?


You don’t have the benefit of being long-term friends, because the sex almost always gets in the way. You get sex, but with none of the benefits of having sex in an intimate, monogamous relationship. There are some, although fewer than you would think, “friends with benefits” situations where both parties do not want more, neither hopes it becomes more, and the situation ends on a positive note. So who really benefiting from this arrangement?

Friends with Benefits is an Oxymoron

Friends with Benefits is an Oxymoron


“Friends with benefits” rarely, if ever, leads to a healthy relationship. So those entering into situations like this hoping it will lead to more are disappointed and hurt when it doesn’t turn out as they hoped. People who think they can use each other for meaningless sex and keep their friendship intact are deluding themselves because the friendship almost always ends badly. What kind of friend wants to use you for sex but doesn’t like you enough to try a relationship with you? Not a very good one!


What kind of friend thinks that you should let someone (even them) use you for sex? A real friend? No. So not only are their no real benefits, but there is no real friendship either. If the two of you are “such good friends” why would you risk losing the friendship for sex? Can’t you find that somewhere outside of the friendship?


So is the term “friends with benefits” a less offensive way of describing a booty-call? Yeah, that sounds about right, considering they are pretty much one and the same. Both can be defined as casual sex with no strings attached. Usually someone (YOU) ends up wanting more from the relationship, but getting hurt in the end.


SOUNDS AWESOME DOESN’T IT? Note the sarcasm. 


So who came up with this “friends with benefits” crap and decided to try to make it a mainstream “good idea”? (Also, please tell me why it seems to be working while you are at it.) Who is it that really “benefits” here?


People that want to use other people for sex and have no strings attached. That’s who.


I guess it just sounds better to some people to have a person tell them they want to be friends with benefits than to simply say I want to have sex with you and maybe hang out with you a little here and there but that is it. It may sound better, but it still sucks and is disrespectful. Why aren’t people more insulted when someone offers them something as lame as this?


If some guy walked up to you and told you “Hey, I want to get you in the sack but am offering you nothing but alleged friendship” wouldn’t you think “ASSHOLE!”? And wouldn’t you also feel insulted while contemplating stomping his nuts into powder? You should! Being offered the “friends with benefits” package of bullshit should make you think and feel the same way. That is bad enough coming from a stranger, but from your friend? What kind of friends do you have for God’s sakes?


Hookers at least get PAID. That is THEIR benefit. So what is yours?

 

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Sarah Adelle

Sarah is a Certified Relationship Life Coach and Soulmate ~ Twin Flame expert with 20+ years experience helping clients around the world live the life and have the relationship they desire. Sarah is here to empower you to see the truth in your situation, not enable you to remain in a place that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Sarah will lift you to see the reality of your situation, providing guidance to see you through it. She will also help you get control of your relationship, if it can be saved, so you have can the relationship you have hoped for. Sarah co-hosts two weekly radio shows, primarily geared toward relationship issues, called Empower Enlighten Envision on Weds nights on BlogTalkRadio as well as CBS NewSkyRadio.

7 Comments

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  3. Janice

    June 19, 2016 at 5:53 am

    Me and my neighbor did this one time because he “really needed sex”, so i said lets do it because I haven’t had any in a while (I don’t know why in the hell I did it) anyways the other day i texted him and asked if you want to do it again because it was really really great sex and he said “i don’t know, probably not. I feel bad about what i did. i need to get back to church and get with God.” He said “i shouldn’t have done that, that’s not me” He keeps saying he is sorry for what he did. I asked him if he is just saying this maybe because i was bad in bed and he said no, its just that i need to get with GOD and that “i need to get myself together and get with god.” At the beginning he said that he just wanted sex no strings attached and I said that was fine. Now, i am feeling like shit because in the back of my mind i thought maybe we could have been something more than just friends and sex. I told him how i felt and he said “ok, well i am sorry”. I guess i got my feelings in the way. I know i should have never done it but i was needing sex too. I am sad and depressed about this and i know i shouldn’t feel like this but i am. (Before we talked about possibly having sex, he has or had a girlfriend with whom he said their “relationship” has been off and on). Please don’t judge me just give your input. Thanks for letting me tell this to you.

    • Sarah Adelle

      Sarah Adelle

      June 19, 2016 at 7:47 pm

      I am not judging you, but you have to stop beating yourself up. You made a mistake, learn from it. Then the mistake becomes a valuable lesson.

      • Janice Jarred

        June 19, 2016 at 8:27 pm

        Thank you for your time and reading my awful situation!!!

  4. Janice Jarred

    June 20, 2016 at 8:32 am

    Ok. I know that I should not be beating myself over this but this really hurts. I am crying my eyes out. I guess I just want somebody to love me for me!!

    • Sarah Adelle

      Sarah Adelle

      June 20, 2016 at 4:30 pm

      This guy is not going to be the one to love you. Not worth that many tears. You will find someone right for you, you just need to make better choices. If you are looking for love, then someone offering just sex did not fit the criteria.

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