Love Life Coaching

He Loves You but He is NOT in Love With You

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One of the most devastating things to hear is when the person you love tells you he loves you, but he is not in love with you. You may feel completely blindsided, as quite often this happens with no warning. But even if you have been going through some tough times you did not think it would make them fall out of love with you. You walk around in a daze and feel your world has been rocked to its core.

Now what? What do you do? Not only do you have to deal with your feelings, but you are worried about their feelings. (Or lack thereof). You want answers, reasons, and you want to know if their feelings will return. The problem is that you have no control over the situation. It is entirely up to them if they want to give your relationship a chance or let it go. That is very hard for people to deal with, the uncertainty of it all.

The first steps should be to have a talk about the here and now. Ask them if they want to go to counseling, if they want to work it out, and what they would like you to do, if anything, to help the situation. After you have heard them out you do have the right to make some requests of your own. You can ask them not to see other people, you can ask them if there is someone else in the picture or that they are interested in. You can ask them if they want to be left alone for a while or if you can contact them while they figure things out.

He Loves You but He is NOT in Love With You

He Loves You but He is NOT in Love With YouLove

If they agree that you can make contact, come to a compromise on what is acceptable. If they want to be left alone, ask if you can contact in case of emergency, and if they agree, contact them only in case of emergency. Give them space if they ask for it, but don’t let it go on indefinitely. Agree to meet up in “x” amount of time to see where you stand. They cannot always give you specific answers or time frames at the moment, but at some point they should be able to.

If they have given up, or are no longer interested in giving your relationship another try there is almost no hope things will work out. If your partner does not want to go to counseling for the both of you, why not go yourself? You have to take care of yourself, and counseling may be of real help to you.

If both parties are willing to make an effort and try, chances are the feelings will return and the relationship can grow and thrive.

During the process it is best for you to surround yourself with supportive people. Don’t look to your partner for the support, get it elsewhere. It will be hard to focus on things other than the status of your relationship, but you have to try.

You may tend to make your thoughts, feelings and actions revolve around your partner, but you need to make things all about you right now. Let them deal with themselves. You can’t do much anyway. Take the time to deal with your feelings of pain, hurt, anger and fear but don’t let those emotions consume you. Get on a workout regimen that you had been meaning to, spend more time with the positive people in your life, do more activities that you enjoy and make you feel good.

No one wants to hear the dreaded words “I love you, I am not in love with you“, but sadly, some of us will. You may not be able to control your partners feelings, but you are in control over how you handle the situation. All hope may not be lost, so do what you can to help the situation, instead of focusing on what is out of your control.


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Sarah Adelle

Sarah is a Certified Relationship Life Coach and Soulmate ~ Twin Flame expert with 20+ years experience helping clients around the world live the life and have the relationship they desire. Sarah is here to empower you to see the truth in your situation, not enable you to remain in a place that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Sarah will lift you to see the reality of your situation, providing guidance to see you through it. She will also help you get control of your relationship, if it can be saved, so you have can the relationship you have hoped for. Sarah co-hosts two weekly radio shows, primarily geared toward relationship issues, called Empower Enlighten Envision on Weds nights on BlogTalkRadio as well as CBS NewSkyRadio.


  1. Franny

    July 13, 2015 at 10:59 am

    I have heard that line a few times.

  2. Briana

    October 19, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Thanks for writing this, it really helped.

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