Love Life Coaching

What Does it Mean When Your Husband or Boyfriend Treats You Like Shit?

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Many woman ask: What does it mean when your husband or boyfriend treats you like shit? It can mean a lot of things. It can mean he is a piece of shit, or he acts as though you are a piece of shit because he has seriously undervalued you and takes you for granted. One of the main things you should also look into is how often does he treat you like shit? Once a year, month, week, or several times a day? Let’s face it, we can all treat someone we love like garbage sometimes, although we all know we should not. If your boyfriend or husband is constantly and continually treating you bad you have to start wondering why he is treating you like garbage and why you are allowing him to treat you like garbage.


What Does it Mean When Your Husband or Boyfriend Treats You Like Shit?

What Does it Mean When Your Husband or Boyfriend Treats You Like Shit?

Is he having trouble at work, with his boss, friends, feeling sorry for himself, facing financial difficulties? Well boo hoo on him. Just because he is having a bad life right now doesn’t mean he should take it out on you and screw with your world and turn it upside down. He is supposed to come to you for comfort, not to make you his partner in misery. Stop making excuses for him because the poor baby isn’t happy right now. Tough. Don’t let him use whatever he is going though to make excuses for his behavior either. Clearly it’s time for him to be a big boy and deal with his problem rather than make problems for you.


By the same token, if he really is going through a rough patch, and you, for some reason feel the need to add to the drama in his life, knock it off. Don’t upset a hornets nest and not expect to get stung. But what if this behavior is the norm, not just random moodiness that we all have? What does it mean? It means you are in a dysfunctional relationship for one thing.


Women want to know why their boyfriend or husband treats them badly. They want to know the reason. What could a good reason possibly be? Is there one? Why isn’t the answer obvious?  It’s really not that difficult to figure out. How many people do you love and respect that you treat like shit 90% of the time? None? Now ask yourself why you don’t treat the people you love and respect like shit 90% of the time. Because you love and respect them? Because you know right from wrong? Because you are a good person? Because you would not want that person to leave you? Yes, those are all good reasons, and the reasons why people that love you don’t treat you like shit 90% of the time.

So you answered your own question, didn’t you? Obviously if he loved and respected you, this would not be happening. Obviously if he treats the people in his life that love him like shit then he either doesn’t know right from wrong or just isn’t that great a person. If he was afraid of losing you, he wouldn’t be treating you like this. He is taking you for granted, and taking things out on you because he is getting away with it. So that’s it, that’s the bottom line. You can continue to search or wonder, but the truth is simple. He doesn’t love and respect you or he couldn’t treat you this way. He wouldn’t treat you this way if he was afraid of losing you. If he was a good, loving, unselfish person he wouldn’t treat someone that loves him like this. If he really cared about your feelings he wouldn’t hurt them. Now you need to start caring more about yourself, and less about him. Don’t think by doing more nice things he is going to be nicer to you. Don’t teach people they get the best of you when they give you nothing, or the worst of themselves. If you do, that is exactly what you will get.

Is he treating you like shit but everyone else in his life (even people he supposedly does not care for) is being treated well? If that is the case, it shows he knows how to treat others well, he just chooses to treat you like crap. Now the bigger question is, why are you accepting it? Instead of telling yourself how much you do for him, and others don’t, but he treats them better than you, tell yourself to stop treating him so well. Treat him like he is nothing special, just like he treats you. Stop thinking the nicer, kinder, and more generous you are to him will make him stop treating you like shit. Haven’t you tested that theory enough? You have, and it is time to stop treating someone like gold when they treat you like shit.


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Sarah Adelle

Sarah is a Certified Relationship Life Coach and Soulmate ~ Twin Flame expert with 20+ years experience helping clients around the world live the life and have the relationship they desire. Sarah is here to empower you to see the truth in your situation, not enable you to remain in a place that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Sarah will lift you to see the reality of your situation, providing guidance to see you through it. She will also help you get control of your relationship, if it can be saved, so you have can the relationship you have hoped for. Sarah co-hosts two weekly radio shows, primarily geared toward relationship issues, called Empower Enlighten Envision on Weds nights on BlogTalkRadio as well as CBS NewSkyRadio.


  1. Sonia

    August 7, 2015 at 1:58 am

    GREAT post!

  2. Kerry

    January 22, 2016 at 3:16 am

    Thank you so much! I felt like you were speaking directly to me. I needed to hear everything you said, as I do everything for my boyfriend, and I feel like a complete fool, because he treats me like shit. If I tell him he hurt my feelings, he’ll say I’m selfish or I need to shut up. I have stopped communicating for two days, and it is tough, but it will get easier, I hope. I know I deserve better, but I think I am afraid of being alone.

    • Sarah Adelle

      Sarah Adelle

      January 22, 2016 at 3:25 am

      Hang in there girl, it is tough, but not as tough as it has been putting up with someone who treats you so badly. Best of luck to you, and I hope you find someone worthy of you! Don’t be afraid of being alone, you will find someone else in time. Be more afraid of wasting more of your time on someone who does not value you or your relationship.

  3. Staci B.

    May 2, 2016 at 7:07 am

    I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 7. For the past 5 years I have been very sick, fibromyalgia, and other autoimmune diseases. I have worked up until 9/30/15. It was a joint decision w/my husband (doctor included) for me to stop working and apply for Social Security disability. This has caused us great financial hardship and it’s obvious he resents me not working, not bringing in money. He has a job he hates and our relationship is falling apart. We haven’t had sex for about a year and a half and we argue all the time. In addition, his mother is a HUGE problem, she doesn’t speak to me and is extremely disrespectful of me and he still keeps up his relationship with her like all is well between them , never taking up for me to her. He is grumpy, disrespectful, and puts forth very little effort to show me love, but says he loves me. He treats everyone, even complete strangers with more respect and kindness than he does me. I treat him like gold, even though I am in severe pain 24/7, I make sure to do whatevery I can for him EVERY DAY (making him coffee, lunch and dinner every day, and cleaning that up and whatever else I am up to. Doing so thru severe pain. I take ALOT of medications, which only takes the edge off the pain. He barely lifts a finger to help and just watches me gimp around doing everything. I really don’t want to get divorced but sometimes it feels like the only option. How do you not support your spouse if they are/have been ill everyday for years, does he not realize if it frustrates him, how does he think I feel? And even though I have been so ill, and working has been true hell, I had been doing so this for years to keep us ok financially. But he never has appreciated it or me. We talk, we argue and he’s ‘nice’ for a day, a few hours and then it’s right back to the same old shit! My illnesses are not ‘visable’ so his family, his mother especially tell him I’m faking, and am lazy and just don’t want to work! He sees me everyday, he sees how I am affected, he has been to doctors with me, who have stated my issues to him, explaining that stress makes things worse for me and the greatest support comes from family/him. If this were happening to him I would do WHAT EVER I had to, to support and care for him and show him that I am there with all my love and support, why can’t he do the same for me? I don’t know what to do, I feel completely alone in what I am going thru and NEVER imagined this is how he would/could treat me so badly. I don’t know what to do. We have gone to counseling a few times last year but he never acted on any ‘homework’ given and nothing changed for more than a few days. We don’t have children, another huge issue, he said he wanted children and now if I bring it up, I get no response at all. Regardless how I’ll I am, I have been job hunting. My work has always been very stressful with very long hours.(Purchasing Manager for generic Pharmaceutical mfg.) I’m so afraid I won’t be able to do this again w/o my illnesses getting in the way. He shows NO concern for how this will affect me, all I am is a paycheck. I have always made alot more money than him, but it was never an issue for me, it was our money.
    Am I just being used? I am not a stupid woman, but I just don’t know what to do.
    Any advice, thoughts, help you can provide is SO VERY appreciated!
    Thank you in advance for any help you can provide.

  4. Anna

    May 7, 2016 at 1:10 am

    Sarah, I wish I could hug you right now. You will never understand how much you have impacted my life today. You are a sista from another mista.

  5. Shraddha

    August 16, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    I am a very simple girl from small town… I am in a love relationship from last 12 years and now married to him from last 8 months. My husband finds me out of fashion, now he doesn’t like anything I wear… The way I keep house… the way I work and the way I cook. He is good for everyone my family and his own family…. but when it comes to me he never talks to me in a descent way. He never shows any love to me (leaving bed). He keeps on shouting at me even in public. Whatever I try is failed till now. I ask him to shop for me or to suggest me the dressing and grooming tips but he says that this is not his job. I don’t understand what N where am I failing. We work together at the same place. We go together for work, then he asks for lunch. How can I do everything at the same time? I’m very depressed with his behavior and I don’t understand what to do to impress him and make up my love life???

    • Sarah Adelle

      Sarah Adelle

      August 16, 2016 at 4:17 pm

      You need to stop trying to impress him. Why should you? WTF is he doing to impress you? Treating you like garbage? Stop trying, because he will always find something to demean you with. You need to either stand up to him or leave him. This is about HIM being a mean nasty person, not about YOUR faults.

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