Secret Relationships: Why Do They Keep You a Secret?
Is he, or she, keeping your relationship a secret? Are you in a relationship yet no one seems to know about it? Have you heard excuse after excuse as to why your partner won’t let the cat out of the bag instead of keeping you such a big secret?
At first they may have told you they were involved with someone else, and until they ended that relationship, your must be kept secret. Fine. But that should have been done in a reasonable amount of time. You shouldn’t have to wait too long for them to get out of their situation to be with you. If they want a future with you, they should be planning a future with you. The only way to do that is to end their other relationship so yours can really start. Until then, it really cannot grow.
When he or she is keeping you a secret you are shut off from a large portion of their lives. Family events, holidays, and special occasions don’t include you. Significant events you miss out on, while everyone else they care about join in the festivities. This isn’t fair to you, and you need to put your foot down. How can they expect you to take only the crumbs when what you really want is the whole pie?
Unless you want to have an affair forever, no one would want so few secret moments with the one they love. It could be an age difference, cultural difference, or religious difference that they are using as an excuse. So how is that problem going to fix itself? It is not. If they do not bite the bullet and stand up for their relationship with you and face the conflict it may cause this relationship really isn’t going anywhere.
Obviously they don’t have the intention to stand up for you or they would have already done so. They want to keep their friends and family blissfully unaware that you exist, hellbent on keeping you a secret. They want to have their cake and eat it too. If you have a loved one who is using that excuse then you need to give them an exact date when they have to either make your relationship public or you are going to walk.
Stop waiting for them to “get around to it, or wait until the time is right”, because it will take forever or never come to pass. Be prepared to find out the person you love is a coward. It may show their true colors and that they never intended in all this time to have a real relationship with you. Continuing to keep you a secret indicates they have no intention of a future with you. Isn’t it time you found out?
If you are to scared of losing them and would rather stay hidden in the dark, and a remain a secret, than that is your choice. But remember, you have a choice and you are responsible for it.
Perhaps they do not want their friends and family to find out that they are gay. So they want to stay in the closet and need to keep you a secret. That is going to cause a lot of conflict within your relationship, because if you are “out” it will be very frustrating to continue a relationship with someone who is not. If they need a little time to come out, then that is fine, but again, it should not go on for more than a reasonable amount of time.
It doesn’t feel good when someone is keeping your relationship a secret. It makes you wonder if they are embarrassed by you, and it can make you question their true feelings. Why aren’t you good enough to be introduced to their friends and family? There really isn’t a good enough excuse for someone who is keeping a relationship a secret. It is no ones business but the couple. No one else should have a say in who they get involved with and who they come to love.