Love Life Coaching

What Does it Mean When He…

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What does it mean when probably one of the most questions we are asked by our clients. I recently came across a site where people pose questions for other people on the site to answer. I found a repetitive theme, where people constantly were asking “What does it mean when he says this, or when he does that”? The answers were very obvious, but when seeing what answers were chosen by the “asker” as the best, the answers left little to logic, and should have won a creative writing contest instead. Are people really that complex that we need decoder rings to figure out their motives, and why is the obvious discarded, while the hunt for better answers continues? Why do we seek to find the answers we want, rather than accept the answer that makes logical sense? How come, in affairs of the heart, people give themselves permission to go right past reality straight to fantasy land? Why do we have such a hard time accepting the truth?

what does he mean

What Does it Mean When He…

For example: One major question I have heard over and over is “What does it mean when a guy tells you he is not looking for a girlfriend yet we get along great, have a good time together, and have great sex”? The answer? He doesn’t want a girlfriend. He doesn’t want a relationship. He just wants something casual with no commitment and strings attached. Why is this question even being asked? Because the right answer is not what they want to hear. They know the answer, they just don’t want to accept it. They say there are mixed signals……so they are not sure. The signal is not mixed. He never said he didn’t have fun with you. He never said he didn’t like having sex with you. What he DID say is he did not want a relationship. THEY mixed the signals because THEY wanted to. He was loud and CLEAR. THEY just don’t want to hear it.

Another example are people asking what it means when someone flirts, or behaves or speaks in a way that would make someone believe they like them. Bottom line? Who said it means anything at all? I smile at everyone who I meet while shopping. Should the guy at the bakery counter read into it? No. And neither should YOU. Even if I think he is cute, what difference does that make if I would never act on it, and don’t want him to either? Did you know that someone can find you attractive, sexy, interesting, fun, and LIKE YOU, but never want to do anything about it? Surprise!! It is TRUE.

I think Hugh Laurie is uber-sexy. Do I want to date him, even if I could? No. Does it matter why? Not to me, and not to Hugh Laurie either. So why should it matter to you if someone likes you? What should matter to you is what they are going to do about it. Some men and women in relationships like to flirt, but that is as far as it goes. They will never cross the line. So they can like you, but it means NOTHING.

Put away your decoder rings, get rid of your Indiana Jones hat, and put away your Sherlock Holmes pipe. You don’t need to always search for hidden meanings and clues when the obvious answers are right in front of you. Instead of looking for answers than can enable you to stay stuck hopelessly waiting for someone who will never be what you want them to be, look for someone else. Instead of wondering if they care, and relying on your “connection” find someone willing to show you and tell you they do.

Instead of deciphering “mixed signals”, have the courage to speak your mind and ASK HIM straight out WTF he means. What does it mean when you can’t ask him what he means? It means your relationship, if you have one, SUCKS because you can’t speak freely and openly.

What does it mean when you won’t accept the truth? That you are lying to yourself, and eventually, whether you like it or not, the truth will come out. Face the truth, deal with reality, and stop trying to make something so simple more complex than it really is. Someone that loves you, shows it. Someone concerned with your happiness and is unselfish, makes you happy and puts you first. Someone who wants to commit, does. Someone looking for a relationship gives one a chance NOW. Someone that likes you and is willing to take a shot, does. See, isn’t that simple?

And don’t get me started on Facebook shenanigans. He sent you a friend request or liked or commented on your status? Don’t read into it, don’t read into any behavior on Facebook if that is the only interaction you have. I don’t care what he does with you on Facebook, if it stays on Facebook, it’s not worth wondering about. If he is talking to other women, befriending other women, etc, ASK HIM ABOUT IT. Instead of stalking Facebook pages so you can find out what “this or that” means ask yourself why you are resorting to this kind of behavior. If you can’t ask him about it, and have to stalk instead or create fake profiles, you need to read into your own actions, not his.

Don’t read into text messages. Have a phone conversation instead, and if you are not having phone conversations, see that for what it is. You are not even worth a phone call yet, and maybe never will be. Is that enough for you? It shouldn’t be. Instead of trying to find out what his texts mean, ask yourself what it means that he won’t call you and have an actual conversation with you. Ask yourself why you don’t communicate outside of Facebook instead of monitoring his wall. The truth is out there, and you do not have to look that hard to find it either.


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Sarah Adelle

Sarah is a Certified Relationship Life Coach and Soulmate ~ Twin Flame expert with 20+ years experience helping clients around the world live the life and have the relationship they desire. Sarah is here to empower you to see the truth in your situation, not enable you to remain in a place that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Sarah will lift you to see the reality of your situation, providing guidance to see you through it. She will also help you get control of your relationship, if it can be saved, so you have can the relationship you have hoped for. Sarah co-hosts two weekly radio shows, primarily geared toward relationship issues, called Empower Enlighten Envision on Weds nights on BlogTalkRadio as well as CBS NewSkyRadio.

1 Comment

  1. Alicia

    February 22, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    This made so much sense and really made me see things different.

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