Love Life Coaching

Women Connecting to Emotionally Unavailable Men

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Women who connect to emotionally unavailable men are in a very tough place. There are a lot of websites that talk about “connections” women can have with men in an airy fairy way that make me want to puke. I understand people can feel connected to someone but what I don’t understand is how “connections” seem to give women a free pass to stay in dead-end relationships or to pursue the wrong ones. Women tell me that this “connection” is on another level, that it is not just love or attraction but something else. OK, I can go with that, but I won’t buy the story that the Universe, God, or whatever “connected” women to emotionally unavailable men that you cannot “disconnect” from.

Women Connecting to Emotionally Unavailable Men

Women Connecting to Emotionally Unavailable Men

Why would the universe, God, your Angels, or anything good, force ladies to feel a connection to emotionally unavailable men? So they can cure them of it? Please. If the Universe, God, your Angels or whoever had the power to make this connection that you are powerless over, couldn’t they make these guys emotionally available while they are at it? I do believe in connections with men that are good for us and good choices for us, but I believe the opposite is also true. Emotionally unavailable men are bad for us, and it is time to stop feeling powerless over this “connection” to emotionally unavailable men, and cut the damn cord already.

Emotionally unavailable men are not always easily spotted right away. When you first meet an emotionally unavailable man he may seem like someone who is ready for a serious relationship. He may even say he feels the same connection you do. But the, out of the blue, the signs he is emotionally unavailable come to light. Everything is going great, he sent you all the signals and signs that he is on the same page and then he withdraws. He may tell you that he is not ready to settle down. You and your connection have decided this means he is not ready to settle down right now. Mr. Emotionally Unavailable may not be ready to settle down ever. You are at a crucial point right now. You can either walk away and find someone who is ready to settle down, or you can stay “connected” to an emotionally unavailable man who is not.

You may get the other standard emotionally unavailable men lines such as:

  • It’s not you, it’s me (yeah no shit).
  • I am just not ready for a relationship right now. (Well then why did you act like you were you bastard?).
  • I feel like you need more than I can give. (Stating the obvious, are we?)

So now what do you do? Do you listen to your head telling you to bail out immediately or use your “connection” to come up with excuses/reasons why you should hang on?

You may not have control over the connection you feel for him, but you do have the control over how you handle it. You can choose to stay with an emotionally unavailable man. You can also choose to accept the fact that you feel connected to the wrong man or at the wrong time. You need to realize that being connected to an emotionally unavailable man will never make you happy. EVER. So why prolong the agony?

You may think the connection is there for a reason, to help him get over whatever you think (or whatever lame excuse he gave) is wrong with him. You feel that is the “reason” you were brought into his life. A better idea would be to think about what you want in a relationship, and how this man is an obstacle to everything you want. Being connected to him is standing in your way of being connected to the right guy. He was brought into YOUR life for a reason, most likely to show you what you need to avoid to see what you really want.

Women Connecting to Emotionally Unavailable Men

Women Connecting to Emotionally Unavailable Men

Connections to emotionally unavailable men do not give you a free pass to:

  • Settle for less than you deserve
  • Be used for sex
  • Be treated with disrespect
  • Share him with other women or another woman
  • Behave in ways that are beneath you

If being connected to him makes you lose the best parts of yourself, what good is this connection? What good is it to be connected to the wrong guy? If you have changed for this idiot in so many ways that you barely recognize yourself anymore, can you say this connection is from a higher power? How is that possible? It makes no sense.

Feeling a connection with a guy does not mean he wants a relationship with you or that he will ever have one with you. He can like the connection, and that is all. You should do the same thing, dismiss it, just the way he does. He doesn’t use this connection as a crutch, so why should you? If you feel connected to an emotionally unavailable man always remember you are in control here. If this connection with this man is making you miserable, then it is time to pull the plug on this relationship once and for all. Some people find themselves connected to people and that connection, on both sides, can turn things around for the better. But to expect the connection alone to work things out, is wishful thinking


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Sarah Adelle

Sarah is a Certified Relationship Life Coach and Soulmate ~ Twin Flame expert with 20+ years experience helping clients around the world live the life and have the relationship they desire. Sarah is here to empower you to see the truth in your situation, not enable you to remain in a place that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Sarah will lift you to see the reality of your situation, providing guidance to see you through it. She will also help you get control of your relationship, if it can be saved, so you have can the relationship you have hoped for. Sarah co-hosts two weekly radio shows, primarily geared toward relationship issues, called Empower Enlighten Envision on Weds nights on BlogTalkRadio as well as CBS NewSkyRadio.


  1. Fiona

    February 25, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Why do I keep finding emotionally unavailable men? It is like they are everywhere!

  2. Linda

    June 12, 2015 at 10:25 am

    I know this all too well, this is a very helpful article

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