There are so many ways to make your lover leave, if that’s what you really want to do. And you may make your lover leave without realizing you are doing it. It’s simple really. There are so many ways to turn a guy off and make him run away from you so fast he leaves skid marks. Here are some of the top ways you can do this:
1. Make sure you call/text/email him constantly right from the get-go. It doesn’t have to be anything important. Make sure to do it while he is at work or busy so you can really be annoying. Then get mad at him for not getting back to you immediately …every single time.
2. Never be satisfied. Ever! Always have something to bitch about. Even if he saves the whales (all of them) make sure to find fault with it somehow.
3. When he has an important work project or meeting he has to prepare for, pick a fight. Or better yet, tell him you have to have a talk about your relationship right now.
4. Constantly accuse him of cheating on you or flirting with other women. Even if he is legally blind, tell him you know he was checking out the waitress’s boobs.
5. Bitch, whine, moan and complain about how little time you spend together (even if you spend tons of time together) and then when you do spend time with him, make sure he thinks you are miserable. Pout a lot. Make sure there is no way either one of you can have a good time.
6. Act jealous of his friends and family. Talk negatively about each and every one of them. Act like you totally resent their presence when they are around even though they have been nothing but kind to you.
7. Get mad at him for something stupid when you are on the phone and tell him to never call you again. Hang up on him. Then when he doesn’t call back right away because you told him not to call you, get mad at him, call him back, and yell at him for not calling you.
8. Tell him you are withholding sex because you don’t feel loved and won’t be intimate until you do, even though he has been loving you are just too needy.
9. Tell him he has a lot of things he needs to change before you get married and he needs to start now because you aren’t getting any younger. Do this after you have been dating for a week or two.
10. During your first date ask him what he thinks he would like to name your children.
11. Ask him if he would leave a woman because she has multiple felonies in her past. When he asks “Why?” act suspicious and simply say “Oh, just asking”.
12. Tell him you talked to your girlfriends about the size of his penis and about your “bedroom problems” (which you don’t have btw). Then tell him they are on their way over.
13. Call him by the name of your ex boyfriend. All the time. Every day. When he gets pissed ask him what his problem is since men are all alike anyway.
14. Ask him if you look fat in what you are wearing. Purposely wear something that makes you look fat. When he of course says no, accuse him of lying and retreat to the bedroom crying. Stay mad/upset for 48-72 hours. After that, whenever he gets pissed at you (and trust me, he will) start crying and say that what the real issue is that he thinks you are fat and no longer finds you attractive and is just looking for ways to pick fights.
15. Start buying him clothes. Really hideous ones he wouldn’t be caught dead in. Watch Starsky and Hutch re-runs and check out Huggybear’s (the pimp) ensembles for ideas. Then whenever you go out tell him to wear some of the new clothes you bought him. Have tear in eye just in case.
16. Throw out all the cool food in the house and insist you guys are only eating Tofu (or some other disgusting food item that would make him want to barf) from now on. Keep a stash of Ho Hos and Ring Dings hidden for yourself but make him stick to this regimen of puke inducing food.
17. Make a bumper sticker for his car that says “I love (insert your name) 4eva and eva” and make him put it on the car he drives to work. Make sure it has some pink flowers and tons of hearts on it with sparkles.
18. Post about every single thing you do together or say to each other on facebook. Have private conversations with him publicly on facebook. Make every single one of his friends on facebook hold an intervention for him to get him away from you because they think you are insane.