Your relationship is over and you feel devastated and you want him back. You can’t eat, sleep, think, and cannot stop crying. You don’t feel like doing anything, and all you find yourself doing is obsessing about your ex. You want him back. You need him back. You cannot live without him.
Ok, we get it. Now, here’s where women in that state of emotional turmoil, obviously not thinking clearly, come up with all the wrong ideas to get him back, and crazy things to do while apart (that backfire horrifically).
First, if he doesn’t want to talk, calling him 9000 times a day isn’t going to get him to want to talk to you. It is going to make him want to STRANGLE YOU.Scream at you- YES, talk to you- NO. We understand that YOU want to talk to him NOW, but he is the one in control here, not YOU. You are trying to win him back, so why would you call him over and over and piss him off? What often happens after 9000 phone calls that he won’t answer, YOU get pissed off at HIM and either get snarky or leave a nasty message. Ok, exactly HOW is THAT a good idea? Now you just made the problem WORSE. You want to call him? Leave 1 (not 1 HUNDRED or 1 THOUSAND, just ONE) message asking him to call you if and when he would like to talk.
Then wait. Don’t call again. Sorry, you are not going to get anywhere with tons of calls. And since you are calling him and he is blanking you, you begin to look pathetic, psychotic, and someone he wouldn’t WANT TO GET BACK WITH. So stop convincing yourself that you need to call him constantly. Behave like an adult so you can then talk to him like an adult. Calm things DOWN don’t help them to ESCALATE.
Don’t come up with bullshit reasons to contact him either like you need that paperclip that is in between his couch cushions. You aren’t fooling anyone, just playing the fool. If he does have something you need (and cant replace cheaply like SHAMPOO) you can leave an additional message asking when you can collect your items. Don’t drag it out either. Leave one message for the 5 items he has of yours, not 5 messages for the five items he has of yours. By the way, this also includes texting, and emailing as well. ONE per customer, not one of EACH.
You want to have a face to face conversation. Well, good for you. The problem is that until HE does, forcing a conversation is actually forcing a CONFRONTATION, and not a good idea. Rarely, if EVER, does this work out to be positive, more than likely it winds up creating a whole new nightmare. He is the one that has to make the decision to get back together right? So why are you so focused on what you want and what YOU need right now? Think about him. You know him well enough (or should) to know if he needs time to calm down, and if he does, GIVE IT TO HIM. If you know he gets ugly when confronted or angry then LEAVE HIM ALONE and don’t confront him or try and talk to him while he is angry. How can you get back together if you are having more fights? You can’t.
Ask yourself if the person you are acting like is someone he would want to get back with? Trust me, the woman screaming at his voicemail or leaving text after text is not looking too appealing right now.
Sure you want to do drive-bys and all that nonsense to see what he is doing. If you get caught, and some of you will because you have not had training from the FBI or local police on tailing suspects without getting caught, you are screwed. Sure, you tell yourself “I am doing this because I love him”. IF YOU REALLY LOVED HIM, you would leave him alone.
The rest of the world see you as a drama queen stalking psycho ex. Wanna be that girl? No, not a good idea. Whatever he is doing is more than likely stuff you could guess he is doing sitting on your couch at home. Instead of doing things such as this, why not take the time to ask yourself why you are broken up in the first place. Why did he leave? Did he give you a good reason? The real reason? Is it something you can change if/when you get back together? Is he just acting out because he is mad and you didn’t “really” break up he just does this every time you fight? That is a more productive way to spend your time rather than resorting to the above mentioned behaviors that can make this worse.
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