Dating during divorce is very tricky. Although you may feel you are reading to begin dating during a divorce, there may be some things you should consider first. Depending on the couple, sometimes when a divorce is filed, both parties have emotionally and physically checked out of the marriage a long time ago. To them, it may feel as though they have been divorced a long time, before they actually are. This kind of thinking can lead to problems they did not see coming.
When you begin dating during a divorce, you may think you are ready, but do you really have closure? Is the back and forth to court going to add stress to your life that can affect your relationship? Will your soon to be ex find out you are dating and drag the actual divorce process out as an act of revenge? Did you have enough time alone, as a single person, that you are ready for another relationship?
Sure, your marriage may have made you feel single because of the estrangement and you may have felt like you were single for a long time. In reality though, you were not single. Shouldn’t you use the divorce process to find yourself again?
In a marriage we are so used to being a partner and part of something. Throughout the course of your marriage you have changed, and sometimes in ways you don’t like. When are you going to take the time to rediscover and redefine yourself? The best time for that is when you are by yourself. You may not want to risk being alone for a long time, but why risk making a mistake before you are ready and getting into another relationship that is not right for you? What is the rush?
When you take the time to prepare in advance for anything, the better your chance for success. Why not take some time during and after your divorce to find out what it is you really want at this stage of your life? During a divorce we are more vulnerable, so it stands to reason we may be making our relationship choices based on fear, loneliness or feelings of loss or rejection.
Many clients have been broken-hearted because they dated someone during their divorce process and it didn’t work out. In some cases the person they were dating decided, once the divorce was final, that they suddenly realized they needed to be single for a while and ended things out of the blue. This is more common than you would think. In other cases, the time it took for the divorce to be finalized frustrated many couples and caused a break up. Of course there is always the risk that the divorce never even happens, and the couple decides to give the marriage another shot. That leaves you out in the cold.
Divorce is tough and stressful. No one looks forward to going through the divorce process. Rarely is it quick and painless. It is often the worst period of time in a person’s life. So dating during a divorce can be the same thing of dating during your own personal World War 3. It really isn’t the smartest of ideas. Why not take the time to help your family, as well as yourself, adjust to divorce, especially if you have young children. A child who has barely had time to process their parents are divorcing probably don’t need to watch their parents dating too. If you think your divorce is going to end soon enough anyway that you can begin dating during the divorce, why not just wait?