Stop blaming yourself when your relationships go wrong. There is some accountability you should take for the relationship going wrong. Perhaps you enabled bad behavior. You may not be good at creating and establishing boundaries. You may have seen a boatload of red flags you chose to ignore. You might have known they were not single when you got involved with them. You may even have known it was too soon for them to start something with you because they recently got out of a relationship.
Okay, those things are on you but don’t waste your time blaming yourself and beating yourself up about that. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and learn from your mistakes so you do not repeat them. Make better choices going forward. Pay attention to red flags and don’t be afraid to end a relationship before you get burned. Why wait? Don’t give someone too many chances when they clearly do not deserve them. Speak up for yourself when you are being treated in a way you do not deserve. Be prepared to dish out punishment when someone crosses your boundaries.
If you do things like that, then you will be much better suited to find the right kind of relationship for you. Give yourself enough time in between relationships to learn these lessons and be ready to apply them. And always remember, in most cases, you were not entirely to blame when your relationships have gone wrong.
Sure, you may have snooped through their phone, but are you to blame for the insecurity they created? Did they act distant, suspicious, and set off alarm bells with the way they used their phone? If they did, what you did was a consequence to their action, so stop blaming yourself. They made you suspicious, so you acted on those suspicions. Not your fault and you are not to blame.
If they disappeared out of the blue for no good reason then just chalk that up to them being a cowardly asshole. If you did something worthy of someone ghosting you, trust me, you would know it. It would be more than obvious because it would have to be something worthy of a restraining order. That’s not on you, that is on them.
Just because you keep encountering people who are not right for you doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong. There are more people on earth that are wrong for you than that are right for you. It’s not a curse, its simple math. You would have to be very lucky to not have to weed through a bunch of “wrong” people before you find the right ones. Stop blaming yourself for that too.
Don’t blame yourself when someone has left you unless you truly did something that is a relationship deal breaker. If they broke up with you for something stupid chances are it was just an excuse. They were going to end it but didn’t want to be honest or hold themselves accountable, instead they blamed you. Put the blame back on them where it belongs. Take some of the blame and use it as a lesson to make wiser choices going forward. But don’t take them blame that belongs to someone else. Even if they want to blame everything on you, don’t own it.