Has Your Ex Really Changed?

How can you tell if your ex has really changed? He or she may tell you that they have changed. As a matter of fact, they may tell you thousands of times just how much they have changed. You may want to believe them, but you shouldn’t, not right away at least.

If you want to believe your ex has really changed you need to consider a few things first. The behaviors, attitude and actions that you wanted them to change were things they could have changed a long time ago. Unless you broke up with them the second you spotted those things, you more than likely gave them enough time to make those changes.

But they didn’t, did they? You probably told them over a thousand times exactly what you wanted them to change and why. Did they listen? No. They may have promised over and over, but broke those same promises over and over. They may have defended themselves and told you they didn’t want to change or shouldn’t have to.

Now your ex is telling you things will be different now, and that they have changed. But how can you be sure that your ex has really changed? You can’t tell right away. There is nothing they could say or do to prove they have changed, you can only go by what your ex is saying.

That isn’t enough.

Your ex needs to prove  he has really changed, slowly over a period of time, before you get back together with them. You may want to dive back in right away because you have missed your ex, but that would be a stupid mistake. Agree to be friends first, for a while and not just in label only. This means no sex, no spending all your time together, and you are still single.

Take things very, very slowly. Give them a chance to date you, not live with you. Let them see you more gradually, and again, slowly. Take the time you need to observe them in ways that show you that your ex has made the necessary changes. If they get frustrated, or pushy, or try to cross the boundaries immediately withdraw.

If an ex really wants you back and has made changes for you, they will respect your boundaries. If your ex is full of shit and is just saying what you want to hear to get you back then they will try to cross them big time. So that right there is a good way to tell if they have really changed without fully investing yourself in the relationship again.

Has Your Ex Really Changed?

Has Your Ex Really Changed?

Be sure to look for red flags that remind you of their past behavior. Don’t brush it off. Pay attention and let your ex know they are doing a bad job of proving to you they have changed. If you see the same old thing all over again, calmly tell them that they have not changed and hang up the phone, stop texting, and withdraw from the situation completely. Show them right away that you saw through them and you won’t put up with it again.

When a relationship ends we often wish our ex had just changed what we needed to. When they announce they have changed and want to try again, the offer may be very tempting. Just be very cautious, because real change takes effort, and time. Sometimes all an ex needed was for you to walk away to see the error of their ways and take you seriously. But always remember that sometimes it is just an ex trying to get you back without changing a single thing.
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