Cookie jar relationships have been called a new dating trend, but in fact it is just a new name for behavior that has been going on for a long time. So what exactly are cookie jar relationships?
It is when someone is keeping you as an option, but never really considers you for a monogamous, long-term relationship. They are keeping you as an option, and whenever they want a “cookie”, they pull you out of the jar.
Have you been dating someone who never makes plans in advance? If so, you may be in a cookie jar relationship. Keep in mind, there are other cookies in that jar as well. Not just you. You may not know about the others, it depends on whether or not they wish to let you know. They are keeping their options open, and you are one of many.
People that do this want to have a back-up plan. They usually do not like being alone. They want someone they can meet up with last minute for sex, dinner, their ego, etc. While pursuing a relationship with someone they actually are interested in having a long-term relationship with, they still keep those cookies in the jar. Until they know for sure the long-term relationship has a decent foundation, they will keep you around. Once they are ready to settle into their prospective relationship, they usually drop the cookies all together.
They are using you as a back up plan, in case it doesn’t work out with someone else. They still won’t give you a real chance though. In truth they are using you for company until someone better comes along. Harsh, but the truth.
You do not want to waste your time waiting around in someones “cookie jar” to be pulled out when they are in the mood for a little treat. If someone does not keep in touch with you regularly, only to call you last minute to come over, that is exactly what may be happening to you.
Has your relationship grown over time? Are you a known presence to his family and friends? Do you go out and do things together or just spend time at your house or theirs? Is it next to impossible to make plans ahead of time with this person? Do you get very little of their free time, or do they tell you they have very little free time due to work, etc? These are some red flags that may be signs you are being cookie jarred.
It may be the time to have a discussion with them about where they see your relationship headed. It’s time to ask them point blank when they will be ready to make a commitment to you. You have a right to ask questions like this, because it is your time they may potentially be wasting. They could get defensive, and they could lie. But once it is out in the open, if they really want to keep you in their life, they will do what needs to be done. If they don’t, they won’t. It’s that simple.