Abandonment issues from the past can severely affect our relationships going forward. It could be you or the one you love that has abandonment issues. Unless those issues are dealt with an resolved, they will sabotage the future of your relationship. Maybe it was a parent or family member that left during childhood either by choice or even death. Perhaps it was a significant love interest that ended a past relationship suddenly and without warning. Abandonment issues can also come strictly from a place of fear, with no past experience required.
When you have found yourself falling deeply in love with someone, you naturally do not want to lose them. You want to hang on to that love and have the relationship stand the test of time. So, you don’t do anything to ruin the relationship. That is normal. Some people take that fear to the extreme. They become so focused on the fear of losing the person they lose perspective. There is no reason for them to fear the one they love will abandon them, they just make it up in their head. The fear of abandonment for them is real, although there is no real reason for the fear. They become so focused on only worst case scenarios that they lose hope in the relationship’s survival. The way they act towards the one they love is so sabotaging it often makes their worst fears come true. Some people even avoid real relationships that actually stand a chance of developing into something serious. They are afraid to lose something significant and their fear of abandonment and rejection makes them run from relationships with potential. They gravitate more to relationships with no depth, that they know are going to end, and they are fine with it. They can’t get hurt, so it is safe. That fear of abandonment will keep those people from finding a healthy, loving, long-term relationship.
If you are involved in a relationship with someone who has abandonment issues, you may find they behave in a very needy manner. Their fear of abandonment manifests itself in very clingy behavior. They may also be exceptionally jealous of anyone else getting your time, energy or attention. They could be jealous of the time you spend with family and friends to an extreme degree. It can negatively affect your relationship when they are constantly accusing you of cheating, thinking of cheating, or being up to no good. After a while most people tire of the accusations and melodrama over things they are not even doing!
Many people with abandonment issues have commitment issues as well. They love the newness of a relationship, but when it comes down to get serious, they bail. Many of you have experienced or know someone who has experienced a whirlwind type of relationship. It started moving so fast and was going great when just as quickly it was over. This could have been because the person had abandonment issues. To someone with abandonment issues, getting serious means you can get seriously hurt. They escape getting hurt by leaving the relationship and not giving it a real chance. It is important to someone with abandonment issues to be the dumper, rather than the one being dumped. Since they feel it is only a matter of time before you dump them, they try to beat you to it.
So how does one get over their fear of abandonment? The first step would be to accept that you deserve to be happy and that you are lovable. You have faults just like everyone else but that does not mean that someone cannot love you enough to accept your faults. You need to learn what unconditional love is, and desire to have if for and from someone special. It may take a lot of work, but if you want it bad enough, you can leave your abandonment issues behind and take a real chance at love and intimacy.