Quite often in relationships we question at times if the person we are in love with has the same feelings towards us that we have towards them. Sometimes things can get so bad in relationships we begin to have doubts that the person we love feels the same way about us at all. We find ourselves thinking that the things they say and the things we do prove that they don’t have real feelings for us. Because we would never treat someone we love that way we can assume they must not love us.
The problem with a theory like that is one simple fact: People in love do not always treat one another in a loving way.
In relationships, especially ones that have been going for a long time, people wind up showing the ones they love the worst sides of themselves. The reason for this is simple. We count on the fact that those who love us, will love us warts and all. We think we have more leeway to show them our negative side and that they will still love us unconditionally.
When partners put up with a lot of bad behavior, over time this bad behavior becomes habitual. Habits are very hard to break, and tend to escalate rather than diminish over time. So if you have let one thing slide too many times, you are helping to make that bad behavior a permanent, not temporary, part of your relationship. You have to accept that a relationship cannot go bad and stay bad unless there are two willing participants.
You may not be the one responsible for bringing the bad behavior, but you are the one allowing it. As the saying goes “ What you allow will continue”. If you are doubting their feelings for you, take a long look at your relationship. What made you doubt their feelings for you at this time? Could it be that because you allowed them to treat you in a less than loving way for so long you forgot this type of behavior is unacceptable?
Just because someone doesn’t act as though they have real feelings for you, doesn’t mean they don’t. The dynamics of your relationship may have just evolved to the point where being sweet, kind, or demonstrative of emotion no longer seems necessary to them anymore. Ask yourself if you think they doubt your feelings for them. If the answer is no, that is because you allowed them to withdraw their feelings towards you but you continued to express your feelings for them. You rewarded bad behavior, which is never a good idea. You may have reached a critical time in your relationship where you need to withdraw your affections for a while and give them the wake up call that they need and deserve.
You may also like to read: Do You Really Know What You Mean to Him?