Your friends don’t understand your relationship because of what they see and hear from you. We have a habit of telling them private details about our relationships hoping for guidance and good solid advice. Sometimes we talk to them about our relationship because we want someone to validate our feelings. Our partners may make us feel understood in our relationship, and our friends can make us feel understood.
The problem is that we often tell them too much. We go on and on about our relationship problems and complain to them about everything and anything our partner does to annoy us. What we don’t realize is that when we tell our friends too much, they may never understand why we stay in our relationship. They get tired of hearing about our dysfunctional relationship and start to really dislike our loved ones.
We may be able to tolerate the ones we love because we love them, but our friends don’t. We can forgive and forget, but our friends don’t. What we often create without realizing it is a divide between our friends and the ones we love. Our friends love and care about us, and often have known us and have been a part of our lives far longer than our romantic partner.
Our friends feel protective of us and hate anyone that hurts us. It angers them when they hear the things our romantic partners have done and said. They won’t enable them, make excuses for them, or give them another chance like we will. All they know, from hearing it directly from us and from what they see and hear from themselves is that our romantic partner is an asshole that doesn’t deserve someone as wonderful as us.
At a certain point our friends are going to have to voice their honest opinion. That is what they are supposed to do. But what often happens when they do? We get mad and defensive. We may even end our friendship over it. How fair is that? You let your romantic partner get away with murder, you tell your friends about it a billion and one times, then you get mad at them for being honest with you? Not fair.
Your friends deserve better than that, especially if you have dumped your relationship woes on them one too many times. Be mad at your romantic partner for lying to you before you get mad at a friend for telling you the truth. A friend should deliver their opinion of your romantic partner in a way that is not insulting to you. A friend wouldn’t bash you, but they have the right to bash your romantic partner when you tell them you are being mistreated.
Always remember your friends, if they are truly good ones, want what is best for you. And if you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t spill so much of your dirty laundry and expect them to enable you and lie to you. Real friends don’t do that.