Does your ex contact you only when they need you? You may or may not be over your breakup and wonder what the right move is when they make contact.
First and foremost, be honest with yourself. Before you try to decipher their agenda and the real reason they are contacting you, be sure of what your real agenda is. Be truthful about your ex as well. Are they contacting you to see how you are doing, or is it only when they are having a problem and either need your help or a shoulder to cry on? Before you create a fantasy in your head that they are using this contact as a way to get back together with you, focus on reality.
If a friend of yours only made contact with you when they needed you, you wouldn’t romanticize that. You would get pissed off and feel as though they are using you, wouldn’t you? Same thing goes for your ex. They gave up the right to ask for favors, or have you there for them emotionally, when your relationship ended.
If you don’t want to get back together with them then why are you entertaining this? To be nice? Stop it. You need a much cleaner break than this and you need to let them get on with their life. They have to find someone else to fulfill the roles that you used to. Don’t feel bad about not being there for them, it really is better for the both of you in the long run if you move on.
Now, if you want your ex back, hate to say it but you can’t really be there for them when they need you. You may think you are earning points with them but in truth you really aren’t. They are not asking you to get back together, are they? No. They felt the need to reach out to you for another reason. They missed the support and help they used to get from you.
Now, if you give them help every time they need it, then they have nothing to miss, do they? No real incentive to get you back, is there? You are giving them what they need from you, with no strings attached. Your best bet is to simply not answer. Especially if they have moved on to someone new. You need to let them know that it is inappropriate for the two of you to talk, and they need to ask the person in their new relationship for whatever it is that they need. That may seem scary to do, especially if you want them back, but it really is the smartest thing to do.
If the two of you had a significant relationship and a death in the family occurred, or some other major issue, you can help them out at a time like that. What we are referring to is an ex who has done this more than once, especially if it is to bitch about their new relationship.
If you want someone back make them miss you. Don’t take that away by giving them exactly what it is they miss about you. Don’t let them dismiss the fact that they need you so easily. Don’t be there for them with their current relationship problems. You are sending the wrong message and letting them believe YOU have not moved on and will be there for them whenever they need you without being in a relationship with you.
You may want to hear them out and listen to them bad mouth their ex, but if you really want them to end their new relationship and come back to you, that is the wrong thing to do. Don’t give them a sounding board and let them vent. Let them take their anger or frustration and let it play out in their current relationship. Don’t enable them to stay, especially if you want another chance with them.