Marriage is not a cure for a dysfunctional relationship. It should be common sense that if you have a dysfunctional relationship you will have a dysfunctional marriage. Yet it is not. There are still many people who believe getting married will somehow fix the problems of their dysfunctional relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. The problems that you have in your current relationship will only become great problems and bigger issues down the road. A marriage ceremony or certificate is not a cure-all folks.
If you are in a relationship with a cheater, and choose to marry them, you may find yourself in a marriage with a cheater. People just don’t settle down and change their behavior. Things are not the way they used to be. Marriage used to be a serious step, and meant a lot more back then than it seems to now. Because divorce had such a negative connotation to it, people seemed to be more selective with whom they married. Now divorce is not such a taboo. Yes, people did sometimes get married quickly, but they didn’t usually rush to divorce. They worked on their marriage because divorce was a huge step. Now it just seems easier so people don’t seem to work as hard on their marriages and they did in the past. So don’t think that just because you can get to the step of marriage, that you no longer have to work on or put an effort into your relationship.
If someone is not ready to get married to you, pushing them may not be the answer. You shouldn’t want someone to marry you until they are ready. If the person you are with has issues with commitment in relationships, expect they will have that same issue with the commitment of marriage. It could take them a lot longer to take the plunge and get married than someone without that issue. You have to have reasonable expectations. Don’t expect them to get married and then get comfortable with the commitment. They should be comfortable before the marriage takes place. Sure, we all can get cold feet, but we are talking about something entirely different here.
How you deal with finances, arguments and any other issues of conflict in your relationship is pretty much how you will deal with them in a marriage. If you keep fighting about the same issues over and over again now, you will do so if you marry. Find another way, a healthier way, to deal with your conflicts before you get married. Otherwise you take that dysfunctional behavior with you into your marriage.
If you have an on/off relationship where they keep leaving you or you keep breaking up, your relationship is dysfunctional. Getting married won’t cure that. You will wind up in a marriage where you are constantly separating or treating one another with divorce.
If the one you love is a liar or a manipulator, your relationship has its share of dysfunction. Getting married won’t change a thing unless they make the changes necessary. If you want a happy marriage that can weather the storms life brings, you need a solid foundation. Dysfunctional relationships have no stable foundation. The dysfunctional relationship keeps eroding rather than building
Please don’t go under the assumption a dysfunctional relationship will lead to a healthy marriage. A marriage that starts as a dysfunctional relationship has a better than average chance it will lead to a divorce.
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