If you want someone to change, you have to make some changes of your own. If you enable someone, you enable them to stay as they are and not make changes. You may want the man in your life to do, say, or act differently, but what if you are enabling him to stay as is, or get worse?
- Look at how you have handled him and the things he does that disappoint and hurt you. Can you see that your methods have not worked yet? Can you realize that your methods are not ever going to work? Do you realize now it is not going to make him change and you have to do something else? What is keeping you from doing things differently? Fear? Well, allowing your fear to keep you from changing is keeping him exactly the same. Why don’t you switch the fear or losing him to the fear of having him, yet being miserable forever? Isn’t that something to be afraid of?
If you keep paying the bills of a man who won’t get a job, how could you possibly think you are helping him get a job and stand on his own two feet? Do you not see you are enabling him not to get a job? He does not need to, thanks to YOU.
If you are sharing him with another woman and are allowing him time to make up his mind, you are enabling him to see the two of you. Why on earth would he move his ass to decide? He doesn’t have to, so why should he? You are the one who is miserable, NOT HIM.
If you give him all of you yet he gives you little in return, why do you think he will suddenly give you more? Because it is the right thing to do? Because he will appreciate it someday? Wake up from dreamland, he already has all of you, there is no reason for him to give you more.
If he is the one who does something wrong yet you are the one apologizing, why would you think he wouldn’t do it again? You enable him to make the same mistakes (or worse ones) because there are no consequences.
You want change? Change yourself first. Then he will either follow suit or prove to you that he never will change. Either way, you are better off than where you are now.
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