A friend of ours was whining about when – when – WHEN would she and her boyfriend be in a relationship. She has been seeing him for over six months, they have sex, and he comes and goes as he pleases. She is unsure of what she can ask of him and is afraid to expect too much because he tells her “well, we aren’t in a relationship”. Guess what? That’s bullshit. You are in a relationship, just one that suits HIS needs, and is to HIS liking. It just sucks for YOU.
Let’s take a poll shall we? Let’s ask 1000 single men if they would be willing to have a woman they are attracted to, have sex with, do things with, yet never have to do anything to maintain it? Think they will all sign up? Sure because they don’t see it as a relationship, but the truth of the matter is that it is one.
A booty call is a sexual relationship, isn’t it? Of course it is. Many women would say “But it isn’t a real relationship”. What is it then…an imaginary one? Just because you don’t like it, it does not make you happy or you want more doesn’t mean it is not REAL. It just REALLY sucks, that’s all.
Where do you think the term dysfunctional relationship comes from? Go look at your situation, and don’t kid yourself. Instead of wondering when you will be in a real relationship, accept that you are in a dysfunctional one.
The word relationship is just that, a word. The word means different things to different people. What you may accept or want in your relationship is not necessarily what everyone else wants. A polygamist has a relationship with the many women he is married to. That is what relationship means to them. You decide what a relationship means to you, and once you do, understand that not every dysfunctional relationship you are in now is going to change into a healthy one. Most likely, it won’t.
Someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, the way you want it to be, will put forth the effort to make it so. Someone who does not want what you do in a relationship won’t and will fight you every step of the way. Don’t you realize they are showing you what they want? They don’t “secretly” want what you do yet are waiting for you to finally figure out the magic password so you can have the relationship. What the two of you have is perfectly fine to them. They aren’t changing things because they don’t want to. If they wanted to change it, they would. Period.
You shouldn’t expect a committed relationship within the first week of knowing the guy, but after a year? What the hell is he waiting for do you think? Nothing!! He likes it as is. Think about your guy, how often does he do things he doesn’t want to do? Often? No. So why are you expecting him to make your situation what you want it to be instead of how good he has it?
He showed you want he wants and whether or not you realize it, you accepted it. If you bought a dog from the pet store would you sit around for years wondering when it will turn into a cat? No. You bought a dog, not a cat. So when you bought into his version of what a relationship should be, don’t expect it to turn into something you want. If you have buyer’s remorse, return it and buy a new one.
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