Many people feel they are failing at love and relationships. When people seek harmonious relationships filled with love, security and partnership, yet never find one, they believe something is wrong with them. They believe they are either unlucky, doing something wrong, or just plain cursed. They look around and see couples everywhere, and wonder why they can’t have what everyone else has. It seems so easy for everyone else, and they find love sometimes without even looking for it! So why is it so hard for some people to find love and healthy, happy relationships?
The first mistake many people make in their quest for the right relationship is in thinking every relationship can be the “right relationship” with some work and effort. This is not true. Some relationships are right for you, others are wrong. Your first step in finding the right relationship is to steer clear of the wrong ones. Don’t make excuses for them, don’t try to fix all of them, don’t waste your time on them. If you miss this first step, of course your going to fail at love and relationships because those relationships are doomed to fail.
There is nothing wrong with working on the right relationships, but there is no point to working on the wrong ones. Like I said in a previous article, not all relationships are meant to last, and they can’t all work out.
The next step would be to go forwards, not backwards. Don’t dwell on past failed relationships, instead look at why they failed. What signs should you have paid more attention to? What attracted you to this person in the first place? What did you contribute to why the relationship failed? Look for patterns in your ex’s negative behaviors AND to your reactions to them. Learn from what went wrong or you will be destined to repeat the lesson. Then, let go. Chalk it up to experience. You are smarter now, and won’t make the same mistakes again.
Now it is time to really define for yourself what kind of relationship you want. How long do you think you should date before you find someone worthy of pursuing a relationship? How long should you wait until you get a commitment? Do you want to get married and have children? Really define your reasonable expectations and your goals when it comes to love and relationships. Be realistic. Get out of fantasy land and romance novels. Sure, it would be wonderful for someone to swoop in, sweep you off your feet and have a world wind romance. But do those usually lead to long-term relationships? NO. They usually fizzle out as fast as they developed.
So take your time, get to know someone, let nature, not impatience or immaturity take it’s course. No need to rush things. We all know how rush jobs turn out in the end. Now the next step is one of the hardest. It is to reprogram your mind. If you want to see yourself as a failure in love and relationships, that is how the universe will see you as well. You are not a failure at love and relationships. Your relationships may have failed, but if you did all you could, then that is the best you could do. You did your best, now just do better next time. You can’t make a relationship work all by yourself, and most relationships won’t work no matter how hard you try.
Walking away from a failing relationship when you don’t feel loved is the right thing to do. Give yourself credit for surviving and moving forward. Don’t keep beating yourself up over what could have been. Take what you have learned and use it going forward. Allow yourself permission to end a relationship rather than waste too much time in the wrong one. Feel empowered when you walk away from the wrong person, because you are allowing the right person to come into your life. Pursue the relationship you want, not the relationship you don’t. If someone isn’t single, they are in a relationship with someone else. Don’t get involved with someone involved with someone else. Anything and anyone that does not fit your criteria of love and relationship goals need not apply, and you need not accept into your life.
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