Fixer Uppers: Not Good Relationship Real Estate

Do you enter into a relationship because you believe it could have potential if you can just fix some things about him? Quite often people purchase a home thinking it has potential. It needs a lot of work, but they think they can handle it, and decide fixing it up could be a lot of fun. Usually fixer uppers can be had for a great price and are a good deal to the potential home buyer. They try to figure out how expensive the repairs would be to turn it into their dream house. But they don’t realize they have purchased a black hole. They think they can fix it themselves but soon realize they need professional help. Suddenly the cost becomes much more than they imagined. Then they discover there are even hidden costs and realize there is much more wrong with the house than initially believed. The work that thought they could finish in “x” amount of time took ten times as long. Clearly they did not know what they were getting into.


So why do women enter into relationships with men they consider “fixer uppers”? Women do seem to love a project, but they do not understand the “project” is going to fight them every step of the way. They think they can do the work themselves, when it is actually the other person who must do the work. Women think that their time, love, guidance, and help is all this “fixer upper” needs to achieve reaching the same potential she sees in him. Oh how wrong she is. She is about to put all their time, money, and effort into a “project relationship” that never ever comes out as planned. Why? Because it was her plan. Not what he had in mind.

Fixer Upper Relationships

Fixer Upper Relationships


Women think if they can just help him financially get on his feet he will get that job and appreciate her effort to help him support himself and perhaps her too. She saw “his potential”. What she didn’t see is that he could just be lazy and is only looking for a woman to support him. He does not want to support himself. Women think that helping him with emotional support and being there for him will get him over his disappointments, fears, etc. Nope. What he may have wanted was an enabler, and that is exactly what he got. Women think that maybe someday, if she shows him loving gestures and he hears loving words, he will learn to open up to her. Wrong again. She can say and do all she wants but may get nothing like that back in return.


Now each of these women will eventually get mad and resentful. They will wonder why, after all the work and effort they put into this fixer upper of a relationship, he is the same as he was before, or even worse. Why didn’t he become the relationship Taj Mahal instead of some dilapidated crack house? Because he is not an inanimate object. He is a person. He is not a macaroni necklace or some other art project for you to hang on your refrigerator when you are done. If you want to change yourself, go right ahead. You will find change difficult, but doable. Changing someone else is next to impossible. You shouldn’t invest your money in a fixer upper, you should buy something that already suits your needs. You should not invest your time, money, energy, and effort into a fixer upper relationship either. Find someone who requires less work for you and the potential TODAY rather than “possible” potential.

 

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  2 comments for “Fixer Uppers: Not Good Relationship Real Estate

  1. I have made up my mind. I am not going to choose men anymore than would be a great catch “if only”. I am not going to put in the time, energy or work to make them right for me. It never works.

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