We have all known a guy or been friends with a woman who has a guy that has the most horrible anti-relationship friends in the world. These “friends” encourage cheating, not calling you, going to strip clubs (or other places you may not be happy with) talk trash about women, and give the worst advice possible. You hate these friends because you know when your boyfriend or husband goes out with these friends he won’t call like he is supposed to, won’t come home when he is supposed to, will get overly intoxicated, spend too much money, or is so full of testosterone stupidity that you want to kill both him and his friends.
This is understandable.
The problem is that women often ask “Why doesn’t his friend respect our relationship?” or “Doesn’t this person know that they are causing problems in our relationship?”. They may or they may not, the bottom line is they don’t care.
They look at you the same way you look at them. They used to have a great time with your man, and now you came along and ruined it. Your man used to always been there for them when they needed help, or to be entertained. They don’t feel they owe you squat. And they don’t. Your man is a big boy, this friend didn’t kidnap him, and he made his choices and decisions with his free will. It is up to your man to make his friends and family respect your relationship and create and enforce healthy boundaries with them. The friend mimics your man’s behavior and attitude. Don’t hate on the friend, instead deal with your man directly, and let him deal with his friend. It is his job and he needs to do it.
Don’t tell your man he needs to choose you or his friend, it’s not really about who he hangs out with, but the decisions he makes when out with other people. You don’t care who he hangs out with, so long as he doesn’t ______ (insert bad behavior). Let him know you don’t blame the friend, but him. He is making you the bad guy to his friends, and making his friends that bad guys with you. When in reality, he is the bad guy on both ends because he makes bad choices. He needs to understand, and so do you, that even if this friend disappeared another bad influence could come along. You are not hear to weed through his friends for the rest of his life. It is up to him to chose his friends, and behave accordingly with those friends, and if he can’t, he can keep his friends, but he is going to lose you.
Stop putting the focus on the friend, they are not the issue here. The final choices your man makes are his and his alone. His friend could set his balls on fire, so does that mean your man will as well? No, that he wont do, because it would hurt him, instead of you. He picks and chooses what influence he allows his friends to have on him.
The same goes with you. If your girlfriends influence you to do things you know is going to piss off your husband or boyfriend, don’t throw your friends under the bus. You are a big girl, you need to take responsibility for the choices you make. If your friend is causing problems in your relationship, take it up with your friend. That is your job. And don’t take too long to do it or you may find yourself with friends but no boyfriend/husband!
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