The recent term of ghosting, when concerning relationships, is really not a new occurrence in the relationship realm. In another article, disappearing men, it addresses men who disappear out of no where for no good reason. Ghosting is a new word, but it’s nothing new at all. So many people have been the victim of ghosting in their relationships. Things seem to be moving in the right direction and you seem so compatible with your significant other. You may have ever had a single fight, yet out of the blue, it feels you never existed. You used to talk all the time but now they won’t return a call, text, or answer your messages.
Since you care about them, your first thought is that something serious must have happened to make them ignore you like this. Your brain starts making excuses for them, and you really worried about them. You keeping trying to get in touch with them but are met with only silence on their end. When someone is ghosting you, they won’t contact you back regardless of the messages you leave them. You being hurt, angry or in distress will not make them come back into the picture.
After a certain amount of time, which varies with everyone, you begin to believe they may have ended your relationship without giving you the courtesy of that knowledge. They made a decision to end your relationship, and didn’t have the decency to let you know. This makes almost everyone who has been ghosted hurt and angry. You do not know why they never told you something was wrong or that they were not happy. When you were together they acted so happy, and even told you, in great detail how happy they were.
So why did they do this to you? What changed their mind and their feelings so quickly and out of the blue? The harsh reality of the situation is they were not as into it as they were acting and saying they were. You have no idea how many people put on this act. They want shorter relationships and end them by ghosting. They don’t want to be tied down with one person for a long time. They want to enjoy someone’s company for a certain amount of time, but before things get too serious or reach another level, it is time for them to bail. No one would sign up for this, so of course they won’t TELL you this. Instead they will lie and act like they want the same things that you do.
There are other people who have been ghosted by someone they were in a long-term relationship with. These instance are different from the previous example. Some of the reasons people in long-term relationships are ghosted is because the other person is tired of talking. They may have told you too many times things you needed to stop doing or saying only for nothing to change. So they figure why bother talking about it? You should know why they left and don’t want to speak to you, and if you keep talking, it further justifies to them that ghosting was the right thing to do, because you clearly don’t get it.
Another reason people in long-term relationships are ghosted is because the person doesn’t want to see the other person hurt by what they have to say. They let the person deal with their feelings away from them. This is really a shitty way to break up with anyone. Sure, you don’t want to hurt someone, but most people would rather be hurt hearing it is over rather than wondering if it is over, finally figuring out that it is over, and then being hurt that the person didn’t even tell them outright.
Another reason people resort to ghosting to terminate a relationship is when they have found someone else. They don’t want you to know that is the reason for the relationship being over, so they tell you nothing, although you usually find out anyway. So when they are off with their new romance, they leave you in limbo wondering what they hell is going on.
Our best advice for all of those out there who have or are experiencing ghosting is to stop asking yourself unanswerable questions. Stop looking for clues. The bottom line is that the person you cared for did something really crappy to you. They don’t have a good reason for ghosting you, because there really is no good excuse, other than if you pushed your luck and didn’t take their feelings seriously when they expressed them. Once you accept that, you can move toward closure.
Have you experienced ghosting and how did you handle it? Would love to hear from you in the comments below.