Guilt trips are commonly found in romantic relationships. Sadly, guilt trips can also be the downfall of many relationships. The manipulative nature of guilt trips helps to only create dysfunctional relationships. The bottom line is, guilt trips really don’t work. They may work for a certain period of time, but the damage that builds up along the way is often irreparable.
If you are involved in a relationship with a narcissist, you can be sure they will use guilt trips as often as they please. They will always play the victim, and guilt trips are a perfect way of doing so. It is interesting that narcissists feel no empathy towards others, yet expect everyone to feel empathy towards them. They will always make you the bad guy, because nothing is ever their fault. It is pointless to want or expect someone who truly doesn’t care about your feelings to feel guilty. No amount of guilt tripping you do will make them feel guilt towards you. They simply don’t care.
If you hurt someone’s feelings intentionally or unintentionally, its normal to feel a certain amount of guilt. You should not be made to feel guilty about things that your romantic partner shouldn’t be bothered by. For instance, you should not feel guilty for having a better job than your romantic partner. It is not your fault they don’t have a better job. They should feel happy for you that you have you have a great job.
Additionally, you should not be taken on a guilt trip every time you have a good time without them. You spend all your free time with the one you love and once in a while you go out with your girlfriends to dinner and drinks. Why on earth should your significant other throw guilt trips at you to try to ruin your evening? Why should they call you when you are out with your friends and try to make you feel guilty for spending time with them? What exactly are you doing wrong? Nothing. You aren’t doing anything wrong, they are.
Let’s say you decide to focus on your health and lose some weight. Instead of supporting you and cheering you on, the one you love eats ice cream in front of you. They also try guilt tripping you because you are spending less time with them and more at the gym. They give you a guilt trip because you don’t seem to be as much fun anymore. Should you feel bad and guilty? No, you should be pissed off at them. They should feel guilty for sabotaging your success.
If you were taking classes part-time to finish your degree, should the one you love guilt trip you and make you feel bad because you are taking time away from them? Should you feel bad when they accuse you of being selfish and only caring about studying and homework? In almost all cases, no. They should be understanding and proud of what you are trying to accomplish, rather than trying to have you give up on your goals.
Eventually guilt trips get old. At some point, those that are the victim of guilt trips get tired of always being the bad guy. Once their eyes are open, they see the game for what it is. Resentments build up, and the relationship falls apart. No one likes to be manipulated, so remember that before you decide to bring guilt trips into the dynamics of your relationship. Because when it ends, you will be the guilty party, not them.