You got into a big fight recently and your boyfriend/husband accused you of being a control freak. He may have even said this to you before in the heat of an argument. Now you are beginning to wonder if you indeed are a control freak.
Here are some questions to answer to help you see if what he said is true, which indicate you could have control freak behavior.
1. When he is doing household chores, or anything for that matter, do you hover over him to see if he is doing it right? Does “doing it right” mean “doing it yourway”? It’s one thing to want the right result, but who cares how he does it as long as he gets the right result? If you do, there is a good chance you are too controlling.
2. When he is with his buddies or family do you feel the need to call or text several times? Do you do this whenever he is away from you, even for a few hours? If you do, you may be a control freak. It’s not cute, it’s not romantic, it’s not showing him, and everyone else, what a cute couple you are. (Unless you and everyone you know are 13 years old.) All adults, if they are really in a happy healthy adult relationship can leave each other alone for a few hours. It is also not courteous to interrupt his time with other people just so you can talk about crap that can wait til he gets home. Emergency? Yes. To ask him if he is having a good time or to talk about your new shoes can wait until later.
3. Do you expect him to cut you slack but you cut him none? Do you get on him big time for having to cancel plans one time but you have done it 10 times? Is he supposed to understand you have good reasons for doing so, but his is not good enough? This is another example of a control freak.
4. Are you the one who decides how your time together is spent? Do you consider your time to be with him your time or our time? Does he ever get a vote or do you always shoot him down? If Saturdays and Sunday are for you both to spend time together, can he watch football on Sunday afternoons? Even if he did EVERYTHING you wanted to do on Saturday? If he does not get to choose how you spend free time, then you may very well be a control freak.
5. Do you constantly correct him? Will you let any “mistake” slide? Is he ever allowed to be human and slip up? Can he misuse a word, spell it wrong, or give an inaccurate statement without you pointing it out to him? Do you like being criticized constantly? Even if for some reason you don’t mind it, do you understand that others do?
6. Can you ever give him a compliment without adding in a negative? If he just got a promotion, do you congratulate him and tell him he deserved it? Or do you have to add in that had he applied himself sooner it would have happened a long time ago?
7. Do you demand an apology when he does something wrong, but do you give a half-hearted one when you do something wrong? Do you try and rationalize or excuse what you did wrong? Do you feel that because your intention was good you don’t owe him an apology? (It is not just the intention, but the perception of the intention.)
8. When you don’t get your way, do you immediately withdraw attention, sex, or communication from him hoping to then get your way?
9. Do you try and keep him from spending time with his friends and family? When you are with his family, do you try and cut it short? Do you try and sabotage his plans with his friends and family? Do you let him see them by himself? When his friends hang out together are you the only wife/girlfriend there? Do you make him spend a lot of time with your friends and family instead?
10. Are you the one always telling him it is time to go home or leave? Are you the one that decides when the time is right?
If you answered yes to many of these questions, you may be a control freak. Be careful, because although you may be in control of certain things in this relationship now, this same controlling behavior could end your relationship for good.
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