Healing from traumatic relationships takes time. How much time you ask? Well, for each person it is different. A lot of it depends on how fast you begin the healing process. Many people feel stuck and unable to move on from the break up of a traumatic relationship. Here is a list of things to do to start the healing process.
HEALING FROM TRAUMATIC RELATIONSHIPS
1) Stop yourself from reliving the past. You can’t change it. You can’t do things differently. The past is the past and you are not doing yourself any good by going through it all over again in your head. Look towards the future instead. That may seem hard to do, but you don’t have to start making long term goals and plans. Just get through the day. Make a plan with some friends for something to look forward to on the weekend.
2) Take the attention off your ex. Your life is not about them, it is about you. Cut them off from your social media, phone, the whole nine yards. Don’t create fake accounts to check up on them. You need to get your own life, not watch theirs from the sidelines. It is a form of self punishment, and you have been through enough already. Their is nothing to be gained by it, so let them go and don’t give them any chance to impede your progress.
3) Think about you, and only you. What would you like to do that you have been putting off? What goals have you put on the back burner that you could bring to the forefront again? Create some new goals for yourself, no matter how small or big. Start working towards something positive for yourself. This will help bring about a feeling of accomplishment for yourself and help you get back your sense of self worth.
4) Forgive yourself. It is okay that you made mistakes. They did too. It is okay that you stayed too long in a bad relationship. At least you got out. It is okay that you should have been smarter that to be with such an asshole. It happens to even the smartest people, because our brains do not control our emotions. Learn from what you did wrong. Don’t repeat those mistakes. Promise yourself you will bail on a relationship in the future right away when you know it isn’t going anywhere and that the person isn’t right for you. Let the mistakes go and forgive yourself.
5) Allow yourself the time that you need to heal. Don’t listen to family or friends that may mean well and are trying to push you to date again or that make you feel you are taking too long to get over it. YOU decide how long you need, they don’t. Don’t feel bad that it is taking longer than they think it should for you to heal from the trauma you have suffered in that relationship.
6) Talk about your experiences, but give yourself a limit. You should express your feelings and your experiences to those close to you, so you can get it all out. But at a certain point, and don’t take too long with this, all conversation about this must stop. They can’t bring it up, and neither can you. No need to keep rehashing it. They don’t need to tell you that they saw your ex at burger king. You don’t need to hear it. Get it all out, and shut your pie hole about it for at least a good long while. You can’t move on if this is always the topic of conversation. If you need to keep talking, talk to a professional.
7) Take things slow. Don’t try to rush through it. There is no heal quick scheme out there. You were in that relationship for a while and it did a lot of traumatic things to you. You cannot reasonable expect to get over it right away. If you try to, it often backfires on you and you are right back to square one.
8) Write down your thoughts and experience in a journal. Many people have felt that when they put it to paper they release it instead of hold onto it.
9) You cannot be friends with someone you were in a traumatic relationship with. It doesn’t matter if they say you want to. It simply is not possible. You have to accept that you cannot have any relationship with them any more. If you are co-parenting, then co-parent, each of you can have a relations with the child, but their should be nothing personal between you. Keep your distance.
10) Every day remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for. Say it out loud. Remind yourself what you like about yourself. Remind yourself that you are a good person and you deserve good people in your life. A change in attitude is what you need, and these reminders can help you reset your attitude towards a more positive one.
Traumatic relationships can do a lot of damage when we are involved in them. We do have the ability to heal our self when we get out of them. It takes strength, resolve and time, and you have that in you.