Healthy relationship boundaries keep a relationship on the right track. These healthy boundaries create an environment of mutual respect and eliminate a lot of unnecessary drama. Fear, insecurity and an unhealthy imbalance between the couple are reasons people are afraid to create and enforce boundaries in their relationship. These relationships have nowhere else to go but down, because the only growth they can achieve growing in areas such as selfishness, hurt, and melodrama. So how can you tell if your relationship has healthy boundaries? Take the test below to see for yourself if your relationship has what it needs to grow stronger, not weaker, over time.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES TEST
- Are you both treated as equals? Is there a true give and take in your relationship where sometimes it is all about you, and then other times it is all about them? Does your social activities cater constantly and consistently with only one partners desire? Is only one member of your relationship constantly taking one for the team while the other never does?
- Is there reciprocation and appreciation in your relationship? Of course it is not about keeping score, but if one of you is always doing for the other with no real signs of appreciation or reciprocation then you are in an unhealthy relationship with an ungrateful, selfish person, and it is only going to get worse.
- Do you both feel as though you have the right to say no in the relationship and have no fear of repercussion if you do? Both partners always have the right to say no, and should have no fear what will happen if they do. Otherwise your relationship is built on fear and that kind of relationship has little chance of being meaningful or fulfilling for one partner.
- Do both parties support each other’s goals and desires? If either party is more of a hinderance than a support system, your relationship is dysfunctional. Each party should be able to pursue their own personal goals and achieve everything they set out to do. They should expect and are entitled to support from their partner.
- When major decisions are made that affect the couples finances, social activities, or time together, do they both get a vote or does one person make these decisions for the group? Is “permission” asked in a passive aggressive way? If a decision affects both parties, both parties should have a vote, period. If not, it is not an equal partnership, it is a fascist dictatorship, and will always be unsatisfactory to one party.
- Do you both feel safe to talk about your feelings? Are you feeling heard when you reveal your feelings or does your partner dismiss your feelings? We all have a right to feel whatever it is we feel, and when we communicate with our partner we should feel understood and validated.
- Have both parties made adjustments to accommodate the relationship or only one of you? Have you both found the time necessary for the relationship to move forward and spend time together? Is only one of you making sacrifices? Again, if only one of you is doing the work, your relationship isn’t really working.
- Have either of you let yourself go in the sense that you have put your needs, health, goals or feelings aside to please your partner? If so, you have not put up the proper boundaries to ensure that your needs are being met in the relationship.
- Do your arguments always revolve around the same issues? Do you or your partner promise to change but repeat the same bad behavior? If that is the case than you either do not have the proper boundaries in place and/or are not enforcing those boundaries. Boundaries that are not enforced do not exist and serve little to no purpose.
So now you should have a better idea of whether or not you have a healthy relationship with enforced boundaries, and at the same time explain why your lack of them are hurting your relationship.