If He is Not Over His Ex He Can’t Get Too Into You

If he is not over his ex, how can you truly expect him to be into you? Well, quite frankly, you can’t. So if he is not over his ex, and has the opportunity to go back, what do you think he will do?

That bastard. He was dating you and everything was going great. He made references to the future things you would be doing together. He told you what a rotten bitch his ex girlfriend or wife was. He told you this was different and he was happy. So were you. Now he tells you he is ending it because he and his ex girlfriend or wife are going to give it another try? That bastard.

Yes, he is a bastard. He had no business dating you if he wasn’t over his ex. There is no way he didn’t know that he wasn’t over her, and for him to say he didn’t know would be a lie. We all know when we are not over someone and haven’t moved on. We may want to be ready to move forward with someone new, but that does not mean we are ready. But now what about you? Did you miss any red flags?

he is not over his ex

If He is Not Over His Ex, How Can He be into You?

Did you ask him when his last relationship ended? If he said less than 6 months that should have been a red flag for you. (Anything less than 2 months should have been a triple red flag for you!) Did he describe their relationship as an on/off relationship where they have broken up a million times but kept getting back together? Did you ask if either he or his ex girlfriend were dating other people during their breakups? Huge red flag! Didn’t you worry that you were a part of their break up/ get back together pattern? Were they trying to be “friends” while he was dating you? Super red flag!

Having a friendship with a recent ex makes it very difficult to move on and you have to ask “Why do they want to be friends?”

How did you miss these red flags? You shouldn’t be that blind. You should not dismiss the risks. Yes, he is a bastard, but if you saw the huge chance that he could be one, why did you let him in? Was it because you were afraid if you didn’t act now that he would find someone else or go back to his ex? People need time for closure, and to shut the door on their past relationships, otherwise the new ones become rebound relationships. Rebounds rarely, and I mean rarely, ever work out.

Please don’t do what he has done. When you know you are still into someone, and are not over them, you have no business do you have dating someone else and giving them the impression you are emotionally available to them and over your ex. The decent thing for both men and women to do is wait til they have truly put the past in the past, then start dating again.


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  27 comments for “If He is Not Over His Ex He Can’t Get Too Into You

  1. Thanks for the reply! At times like these, although I want to hold on to that glimmer of ‘hope’, it’s best to take off the rose-colored glasses, take myself off the clearance rack, and find someone who is willing to put me first and make me a priority!

  2. I stumbled cross article doing an online search. I went out on a great first date with this guy (who I met via a dating site) almost a year ago, and we had some great conversation and connected really well. Then, about five days later he texts me and tells me he’s ‘not ready for a relationship’ because his last relationship ended so badly, and that he was just ‘testing the waters’. He also said that he would ‘keep me in mind’ and save my number. Well, recently I noticed that he’s back online on that same dating site that I met him through and has logged in very recently. I’m so tempted to message him or text him again. Should I, or should I let him do the work?? I’m not sure though if he ever went back to the ex nor not.

  3. Hi Sarah,

    I’m a little lost and need direction… my friends give me advice but I was hoping I could get some advice from someone who doesn’t know me and in particular someone who gets it, which I think you do.

    I have been seeing a guy for 3 months. A guy who I thought to believe was everything I wanted. I’ve played it cool, I’ve not put any pressure on commitment, I’ve gone with the flow and I’ve been really happy.

    A couple of weeks ago he was being distant, texts, calls, not seeing me so I left him alone and just said that ‘id be there if he needed to chat’. Struggling with depression myself, I know I can switch off easily whether i’m in a relationship or not so I thought I was doing the right thing by reaching out..

    He claimed his ex “wants to try again”, she “became distant” and “ran away” when they both ran into her ex in NZ at the end of last year. And, of course, he now “doesn’t know what to do”. He’s “confused”.
    I will always have love my ex, but that was 2 years ago, and I wouldn’t go back. not in a million years.

    I called him up on it and told him that ex’s do not change, so good luck to him. I asked him where I stood, I was snappy but I believe I had every right to be, or did I ? did I overreact? I cut him off. I blocked his number and didn’t speak to him for over a week.

    …… I checked back in and he explained to me that he was just trying to keep me in the know and nothing had changed for him (toward me) but It was ‘just a shock’ and he couldn’t trust her and didn’t know why I reacted the way I did… why I had got angry. He wishes I had just talked to him rather than give up on him..

    I’m pathetic, right?
    I wear my heart on my sleeve.
    I feel rubbish.
    My self confidence has taken a slap
    I need help, either that, or I need to win the lottery and relocate to Canada..

    • Wow he is a jerk. He doesn’t know why you reacted like you did? why you got angry? Give me a break. He is already letting you know he is playing games and put our red flags. You have only known this guy for 3 months and already problems like these? He isn’t worth it, just give him a “by Felicia” and move the hell on. Don’t let your self confidence take a slap. It is almost impossible to not encounter the wrong people before you find the right ones. It’s not you, it’s them. No need to relocate or win the lottery, not for someone as insignificant as him.

      • You are correct!

        he messaged me to let me know he is catching up with his ex girlfriend this weekend and still doesn’t know what he wants.

        I replied to him with a very straight down the line text informing him that I don’t have time for this crap and I’ve invested way to much time an energy, wished him all best and re-reminded him that she’s walking all over him.

        I feel a little down but I know I need to believe that Im better than this.

        thank you for the support, Steph

        • He knows what he wants. He wants to be a manipulative douche, and is doing a great job at that. Let the ex have him. And please keep in mind you may only know about her from what he told you….and since he is a lying asshole, her side of things may be very different than his.

  4. I’ve been in a relationship for four years now but the man am dating seems to have got back with his ex…. and whenever I ask him about it….his like they are just friends… but later he tell tells me that his afraid of telling me the truth because he might loose me…so does he love me o loves his ex???

  5. You are going to sit around and wait, for what could be forever for a guy you have known for 4 months? Find someone who is available to have a relationship instead of hoping some guy you barely know to “hopefully” be “ready” someday.

  6. Well I was in love with this guy I still am for 6 months we been together until December and he had to go to collage and that’s when I found out that he’s been cheating not only with his ex but with some other chick that I know,I didn’t have the nerve to confront him well since then we never talked and then I found out that he’s been with his ex and they broke up again and now he wants me back I don’t know what to do but one thing I know for sure I still love him but I’m scared he might go back to his ex again

    • He has PROVEN he is a liar and a cheater and doesn’t care about any of you. If you take him back, don’t expect anything but a cheater and a liar. Why you would love someone that treats you that bad, especially after only 6 months, is something you need to work on.

  7. I have been 2 months with him. He used to say his ex abuses him..he used to cry in front of me..everything was fine when we used to spent time together. But when we came back to our individual homes he started ignoring me. We had a fight one day because i want commitment. Finally he agreed but after two days he said he is confused about relationship and said we should be friends but i cried in front of him and he again came back to me. One day he came to know that his ex has dumped him and moved on before him. He was in depression and i supported him but he was behaving rudely with me, we had a silly fight and he insulted me on phone by screaming so i decided not to talk to him. He called me next day and rejected his call. I also told him not to contact me. Please tell have i done right because he had always insulted me whenever we argued and i was the one to say sorry. I am mentally disturbed..he told not to tell anyone about our relationship. I followed everything he said but i am feeling i am lost.

  8. hey, similar is happening to me right now. was seeing a guy for 2 months, the last 2 weeks have been off and when I asked him about it he finally admitted that he saw his ex the other day and wasn’t over her. he says they’re not getting back together but I still think I’m going to back off

  9. Great article Sarah, I like the part about the super red flag, lol.

    It is sometimes hard to go by what they tell you because my wife told me she was broken up with her ex for over a year and then later I find out that it was a few months.

    And still later I find out that they broke up a 1000 times and now we are married with a 16 month old boy I find her texting him saying she has allways had strong feelings for him and still does and a bunch of sexting stuff.

    To me it is interesting how some people can breakup so many times and get back togather. And after 2 years of marriage can still be in love with an ex, I find it weird, I just cannot wrap my head around it. I know people still pinning after someone 10 years after they breakup.

    Once I leave a relationship I am done, no looking back, I will do everything under the sun to make it work but if it does not then I can walk away knowing I did everything I could.

    It has to be either some kind of commitment phonie/ love avoidant or personality disorder or a combination.

  10. This happened to me with this guy like 3 times already. Everything seems to go fine and then out of the blue he is going back to his ex! I am so tired of this, when is it going to end?

    • it will end when you stop being a willing participant. When he comes back, tell him no way, he is just going to go back to her and you are tired of being used. Tell him you need to see him be alone, by himself, for 6 months before you would even consider taking him back. And, during that time, no contact with him what so ever. If he won’t do it, drop him. You won’t have lost anything other than being in a dysfunctional on/off relationship.

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