Inconsistency is relationships really keeps a relationship from moving forward. When the one you love sends you mixed messages with their inconsistency, such as their thoughts, emotions, and behavior, you never really know where you stand. When the one you love acts and speaks in ways that make you believe they really care and are fully committed to you and the relationship, you are on cloud nine. But when they suddenly behave and speak in ways that are the exact opposite, you feel like the rug has been pulled out from under your feet. So what should you believe?
If they were pretty consistent most of the time but during fights or stressful situations acted differently then you have to go with the consistent behavior as being their true thoughts and feelings. All relationships for the most part, have times when we say and do things we don’t really mean, and we feel bad about them afterward. It only becomes a real problem when the scales are not tipped that far apart.
Your partner may come to you and say they are confused or don’t know what they really want or what they really feel for you. That may happen in a relationship, but it shouldn’t happen often, otherwise there is something else going on entirely. No one is really confused about how they feel, and they sure as hell don’t get confused consistently. If the one you love has pulled that line on you more than once, they are playing games with you. Feelings are not like light switches, you can not easily turn them on and off at the drop of a hat. We also all know what we really want from a person as well.
So why would someone you love bring inconsistency in behavior and what they say into your relationship?
One reason people use inconsistent behavior is to sabotage a relationship from going to the next level. They use their inconsistency to create drama and problems to keep the relationship from taking the next step. When you are with someone who uses inconsistency in your relationship, it is always taking one step forward and then one step back. This can be to keep from committing to a monogamous relationship with you, or settling down, or getting married.
Another reason for your partner’s inconsistency could be that you are in an on/off relationship. They could be going back and forth between you and another woman and that certainly creates inconsistencies. One day (or for months) they can say and act like they hate their ex and you are the best thing that has ever happened to them. Suddenly, out of the blue they feel the need to go back to their ex and give it another shot. If you are in an on/off relationship, your relationship will always suffer and it will happen over and over again. Why? Because they like it this way, and don’t really only want to be with one of you, they want both of you. Run for the hills and cut your losses.
It is reasonable to expect a certain amount of inconsistency in your relationship. The outside world can make use moody, along with stress and even just being in a bad mood for no reason. There is no cause for alarm unless it is happening more and more. Then it is a pattern, and that pattern is a real problem that must be addressed.