Insecurity in a relationship can quickly destroy it. Think of insecurity as you would a termite. You know that one termite in your house becomes thousands, and those thousands will quickly eat away at your home in no time flat. The damage is often extensive and in some cases, irreparable. The same is true with insecurity. Once it contaminates a relationship, it grows and grows to the point that the relationship is ultimately destroyed.
But where is this insecurity coming from anyway? Is it coming from a past relationship and you or your husband/boyfriend have brought it into this one? Let’s say you, for instance, have been cheated on in the past. Your ex boyfriend used tell you he was going out with his friends when in actually he was seeing another woman. Now, whenever your new boyfriend tells you he is going out with his friends you instantly panic. You either question him or a) let your mind run amok with horrible scenarios of what he could be doing b) pick a fight with him because you are now sure he is up to no good, just like all the other guys you’ve known.
You could try and spy on him to prove to yourself he isn’t cheating, but then it will get to the point where every time he isn’t around you, you are going to wonder where he really is and what he really is up to. Instead of dealing with your insecurity from the past, you choose to let it control your actions, thoughts and emotions in your current relationship. Your new boyfriend did not make you insecure, and nothing he does seems to rid you of that insecurity. Why? because your insecurity is up to you to handle. It is not his job to fix it for you. If he has given you no good reason to be insecure, why should he be responsible for fixing somethings omeone else broke?
There comes a time when you have to do it yourself. Don’t allow what someone did to you in the past ruin your future with someone new. When you are insecure you want a guarantee, and relationships do not come with one. You will never find one, never get one, so stop looking for one. Take each relationship as it’s own unique dynamic between two people.
If your new boyfriend is the one bringing his insecurity into the relationship you need to call him on it. You need to let him know that his past relationships and whatever happened in them is not your fault, and that you will not accept responsibility for any of it. You will not tolerate his insecurities from his past as an excuse to treat you in a way you do not deserve. Tell him it is not your job to assist him any longer in getting over it, that it is HIS job. Tell him to get his act together or find someone else to deal with his issues because it won’t be you.
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