When you begin internet dating, there are a few things you must think about first. A good place to start would be regarding distance. Relationships are hard enough, you really do not need to be adding distance to it as well. Decide how much “distance” is right for YOU. Do you want to meet someone in your town? Within 50 miles? 20? You must think about what distance is feasible for you. Dating and relationships have enough issues, and if you feel long distances would just make one all the more difficult, stick to what will work for you. The internet dating sites have ways of narrowing down your search to people in the areas you choose.
When you begin corresponding with someone via email or chat rooms, it may seem dull and you may want to make it easier by calling and communicating by telephone right way, and take the communication off the internet. This is a really, really BAD idea. The last thing you would want is some person that makes you uneasy or makes you nervous having your telephone number. Too many people have been subjected to telephone harassment, and have had to change their phone numbers, which may seem like no big deal but it is an expense, and a pain in the butt.
If someone wants to talk really bad let them give you THEIR number, and call THEM. Please have your number blocked with privacy guard (your telephone company can put that feature on your phone for a small fee, which will leave your number unidentifiable to anyone you call that has caller ID) Of course you eventually, after a comfortable period of time, you can give out your phone number to someone who you have communicated with for a while, just take it slow and be smart! (Internet dating is a whole new ball game).
When it comes to giving details about yourself, at first, be “general”. When asked where you live, give out the name of the county you live in rather than the exact town or street address. Only give specific details when you feel comfortable with the person and they are RETURNING specific details about THEMSELVES too.
Decide what kind of relationship you are looking for, and what is most important for you. Pick people with similar interests rather than just by photo. Be sure to be honest when placing an ad about who YOU are and what YOU are looking for, it betters your chances of finding a long-term relationship.
When choosing your username try to be creative yet not too “cute” or “sexy”. If you are looking for someone to take you seriously, calling yourself “blondebombshell6969” won’t necessarily put out the message of “take me seriously”. Many people would use the internet not for dating, but for cybersex, so if that’s not what you’re into, don’t use a name that may suggest you are. If you are using a name like that, you can understand why someone looking to engage in that type of behavior might select you to see if you are interested too. Your username, when dating on the internet is equivalent to what you may wear on a date, and clothing can be a reflection of who you are, so make your username a reflection of who YOU are. When choosing a chat room if you are looking for a relationship, choose the appropriate chat room.
Be careful about when you are talking about yourself. You want someone to choose you for the right reasons ! Don’t be ready to tell just anyone the size of your income, how much real estate you own, car / cars you drive, or how much you have in the bank. Let’s face it, we all want to impress others, but certain information should only be released to people you have taken to the next level. You don’t want someone more interested in your possessions than in YOU.
Be careful when sending out photos, that person now has your picture and can do anything they want with it. Your image is part of your identity, so protect it !
Make some “rules” for yourself, and STICK WITH THEM !!! No exceptions! This will help to protect yourself from any dangers within you internet dating experience!
Some good rules would be:
- If you only plan on pursuing one person at a time, make that known to the person you begin chatting with, if they don’t agree, there is your first flag. If they are not willing to invest some time in you and you alone, yet you are willing to invest some time in just them, you already can see there is a striking difference between your dating “morals” and theirs. Also, keep in mind just because they “say” they are only talking to you, does NOT mean they are being truthful. You cannot be as trusting internet dating as you can in the “real world”.
- If you are going to go off the internet with someone and move to the phone, make it with their cel phone, and yours, at first, however, don’t let that go on too long. The other person should be willing to give you their home phone number within a reasonable amount of time, otherwise that’s another big red flag. They want to meet you but wont give you their home phone number? Ridiculous. They are willing to express feelings for you but wont give you a home number? No way. You must think, if you can’t have a home number, that’s probably because they live with someone ELSE. Period. If they say they don’t have a home phone, this is ridiculous too, very few people do not have a home phone, and if they don’t, better safe than sorry, walk away, it’s not worth the risk. Since many people no longer have landlines, this may not be the biggest red flag, but you should not invest more time on the phone that you do in person. In person you can get their license plate # and eventually, within a reasonable amount of time, you should be able to see their home.
- If you feel that after meeting someone or speaking to them for a while, that you should remove your listings or postings, do so, if the other person does not feel the same way, that means they are not that interested in you. Don’t let yourself fall into this trap. Please do not be afraid to speak up. Especially before sleeping together. If they are not willing to take down their profile after sleeping with you, wouldn’t you like to know that? Don’t assume, ASK. If they say no, it most likely is not going to get better later, this is a red flag also, and should warn you of possible commitment issues down the line. If they are really looking for a committed relationship, why can’t they take down their profile for a bit to give you a chance? Because they don’t want to give you one, that’s why, plain and simple. It’s not much to ask, is it? No. So don’t be afraid to find out what they are willing to give! If you can meet this person, or they can be intimate with you, for goodness sakes they can remove their profile or listings.
- Before you make plans to move to another state to be with someone you have met on the internet make sure you have visited their residence several times, spent a lot of time with them in person, and discussed all the questions you have such as “will you be living together?”, “will they help with the move?”, “where do they see the relationship going?” “how do they feel about you”? Ask anything and everything. Please don’t be afraid to ask! Try to meet their family members and friends and watch how they interact with them. And, for a good safety measure, consider having a background check run on them. There are many internet websites that can do that for you discreetly and inexpensively. Don’t be the one making all the sacrifices, and if it is you who is the one re-locating, your putting all your trust in this person, and at great expense financially, career-wise, and in many other ways — there is nothing wrong having a little extra info from a background check! It could save you from making a horrible mistake!
- Many people on the internet dating websites, some statistics put it at higher than 30%, are NOT single !! Look for clues and signs that your internet love interest it married, such as only using a cel phone and saying they don’t have a home phone, saying they have a woman (or man if it’s a female) living with them but nothing is going on, or that they are still living with an ex, but it’s just for financial reasons. Big red flags!! It seems quite often people go on the internet dating sites and say they are single, and then don’t TELL you they are not until you are emotionally vested. This is a trick, unfair, and selfish, and there is no excuse for it, although the commonly used excuse it “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to lose you”. Please consider dropping this person immediately, or your most likely headed for the inevitable, which is they don’t get out of their relationship, and you wasted a lot of your time. I’m sure you will be fed the “I have to stay because he/she is sick”, “I have to stay because we have children”, “I have to stay because of money” or “I have to stay because of religion”. Now, their religion is never going to change, so forget it. As far as the children go, their children will ALWAYS be their children, so don’t think once the kiddies turn 18 all of a sudden they are going to leave. Forget that too. And, the final one, about the finances, ask yourself this, if you were married to someone you did not love, but found someone you truly did, would you give away half your money for your true love and freedom from a loveless marriage? If money is more important that freedom and an opportunity for love, then when will you ever be worth more to this person than money? When will they leave? Never. Quite often you will hear how horrible their relationship is, how lonely they are, how the don’t even sleep in the same room, and live separate lives. If that’s the case is their enough money in the world that would make YOU stay in a situation like that? One would hope not. It is also THEIR side of the story, it would be very interesting to hear the OTHER side of the story!
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