Are you dealing with a liar? Why are people surprised that someone who lied to them before, lied to them again?
In some ways, we all lie. When someone asks us how we are, instead of pouring out our problems, we simply say “I’m fine”. Those are not the kind of lies we are talking about. We are talking about the liars that lie over and over again about serious issues that are making your relationship dysfunctional.
We are discussing serious lies, such as:
1. Cheating, affairs, and all the lies that come with them.
2. Financial lies. Spending large sums of money without tell you, or keeping your mutual finances a secret.
3. Telling you they are single or seeing no one else when they are not.
4. Blaming their ex’s for the reasons their relationships did not last, making up stories to appear sympathetic or the victim and not telling you their part in what went wrong. Throwing you under the bus to their people when they don’t admit what they did wrong, and make you out to be the bad guy.
5. Going to places like strip clubs where they swore to you they would not go, watching way too much porn online and keeping it a major secret. Keeping in touch with their ex that they told you they stopped doing, or talking to a new female and keeping it a secret.
When lies like these come to the surface, people’s reactions are that of shock and feelings of betrayal. They are surprised that a person they trusted lied to them to this degree. That makes sense the first time. After that, it should no longer come as a major shock, should it? Why are people so surprised that they are being lied to, again and again? When our lover or spouse is less than truthful with us, our trust in them diminishes. It may take a long time to build that trust back up again. If the lie was major, it can cause significant damage and the trust may never be repaired. What if the person you love lies to you over and over again? You never get the chance to rebuild the trust, and it almost becomes a game between you two: they try to see what lies they can get away with, and you see what lies you can catch them in. Is this any way to live?
The truth is, many liars lie again and again.
How many lies does it take for someone to decide they want a relationship based on truth, trust, and respect instead of a dysfunctional one? Why remain in a relationship where you don’t believe a word they say? Without trust, you really don’t have any foundation on which to build a relationship, because their lies keep eroding it.