Looking up past loves seems to be something people do when in an unsatisfying relationship or after one has ended. They seem to have forgotten there were reasons why it didn’t work out with their past loves. Instead of looking forward in their lives, or dealing with their current situation, they look to the past.
They think about how things might have been different, or could be different, with their past loves. They romanticize about a time in their lives where if the past loves had worked out, their lives would be so much better now. The fear of loneliness or going out in the world to meet someone new, keeps them focused in the past. They think it is safer to look up their past loves and see if they can rekindle something with someone familiar to them.
The thing is though, people seem to forget that people change. Whoever your past love was is not necessarily who they are now. Think about how much you have changed since then. What has their life experiences done to them? If both of you were really young when you were together, do you have any idea who they are as an adult? People can change for the better, but they can also change for the worse. Unless you have been pretty good friends since then, you really don’t have any idea how you would get along now or if you would be compatible in an adult relationship.
Sure, if you go looking up past loves the two of you can talk for hours about things you did way back then, and those conversations are fun. It is great to reminisce about the past, before life happened, mistakes made and lessons learned.
Thanks to social media, looking up past loves is on the rise. With Facebook its easy to locate someone you used to be involved with and take a peek where they are in their life now. If you are looking up past loves, proceed with caution. If they are married, and you have an agenda, leave them alone. Don’t pursue someone who is in another relationship. If their relationship is bad, let it end on its own.
There are some cases of past loves reuniting and it working out long-term. But there are just as many cases, if not more, where past loves reconnect and create massive chaos in their lives. If you want to pursue a past love, please be single. If you aren’t, wait until you are. Stand on your own two feet and get yourself out of your situation. If your lost love is not single, be friendly, but don’t let it go too far until they are single.
We have heard from so many people who started something with a past love that was just a fantasy but then it screwed up their reality. They got caught having an emotional affair (sometimes even a physical one) and their marriage either ended or caused enough problems that it was difficult to get back on track. Have some ethics. If you don’t want past loves looking up the man in your life, then don’t do that to another woman. Why cause trouble? If they are single, they are fair game, if they aren’t, just be friends.