When it comes to your relationship it is crucial that you mean what you say and say what you mean. Okay, so he pissed you off because he hasn’t called when he said he would. Understandable. Perhaps you are furious over the fact that he promised to see more of you but you are actually seeing each other the same amount, if not LESS. Again, understandable. If he promised to take you somewhere or do something special with you yet never delivered, again, you have every right to be pissed. Who wouldn’t be?
Women need to start expressing their displeasure about this lack of consideration in a way that will get results. If he didn’t call and you are pissed off, the next time he DOES call, tell him you are pissed, why you are pissed, and ask him what he is going to do about it. This is the right thing to do first time around.
Quite often a woman’s first instinct is to not answer the phone. “He didn’t call when he said he would or like he promised, so I am not going to answer HIS call”. This is really the wrong way to go about it. Yes, if he has a brain, he should KNOW why you are pissed, but ask yourself why, when you are pissed off, can’t you take a more direct approach? Why sink to his level right away? Then he feels that you are playing some sort of game with him, the “tit for tat” game, or he is so stupid he may even think you just couldn’t answer the phone and will call him back later. Why leave it up to him to read your mind? Why drag this out? Answer the phone, tell him you are pissed, that he should have called, and ask him what he is going to do about it.
ASK him if this is the way he is always going to be, or if he plans on changing his behavior. Tell him you won’t have this discussion again, you want to clear this up right here and right now. If he does not tell you he will change it, then YOU can decide, RIGHT NOW, if this is something you can tolerate. He hasn’t told you he will change, so don’t expect him to. And then don’t get pissed off when he does it again either. You knew what you signed up for. However, if he DOES say he will knock of the bullshit and start sailing straight then when he DOES do it again, THEN you have to decide what route you want to take.
Sure, you can not take his call, but are you planning to never take them again? If the answer is no, then take the call. Now tell him you already had this discussion, that you told him his behavior was unacceptable to you, so you are confused WHY he did it again. Ask him why, if he wasn’t going to really change, is he wasting your time? Tell him you are surprised he even called, knowing that you would be really pissed and most likely wouldn’t speak to him again anyway. So ask him why he is calling NOW? Tell him the next time he does it, to not bother calling, because the next time you WONT answer the phone.
You have told him, step by step what you are thinking, feeling, and let him know ahead of time what the consequences are. There was no room for guesswork, and no time was wasted playing hide-and-go-seek with the phone when you were only going to talk to him ANYWAY and say the same stuff as written above!! You also get rid of his excuse of “well i DID call you but you didn’t call me back”.
Now, after you have told him for the third time that his behavior is unacceptable and he does it again, now is the time to NOT take his call. You will have prepared him for this, and now his “test” to see just how big a deal this is for you is in affect. He wants to SEE if you mean what you say and say what you mean. So, now you CAN’T take his call. If this was such a big deal to you that you brought it up to him in the first place, not taking his call should be easy.
Deciding if it is over may not be that easy. It should be. If this was enough of an issue for you to get this far, then obviously it is something you cannot tolerate in a relationship. If you make a big whoo out of something, please make sure that to you it IS a big whoo, and something you are willing to let go of the relationship for. MEAN what you say.
If you won’t end a relationship because he leaves dirty clothes on the floor then don’t say you will. But by the same token, if you WILL end a relationship with someone who cheats on you, then put your money where your mouth is, and DO IT. Your word is your currency, and talk can be very cheap. If you want someone to VALUE what you say, then make sure it HAS value, and don’t cheapen it by not walking the walk after you have “talked the talk”.
How can he take your words seriously if YOU don’t? You can’t pick and choose and expect him to “know” what things you say you really mean. You have a voice, use it, but follow it up with actions that support it. Think about it, you want HIM to mean what he says and to say what he means, right? Don’t you want to believe what he says? Don’t you want him to be a man of his word? Don’t you want his word to mean something? Well shouldn’t you be the same way with your own words? Be what you want out of a relationship. Show him not by your words alone, but by your deeds as well.
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