Love Life Coaching

Money + Relationship = Disaster

By  |  2 Comments

How many women have stayed in a relationship because they are afraid they can’t make it on their own? Too many. How many women won’t leave their relationship because the men in their lives still owes them money and want it back before bailing? Again, too many. How many couples are still together because both of their names are on the house? Once again, too many. When it comes to financial decisions, such as buying a home, sharing bank accounts, lending and borrowing, we should start looking at them as “strictly business”. Love is love, business is business. Sure, that doesn’t sound very loving, but it shouldn’t.

money relationships disaster

Money + Relationships = Disaster

Women often make decisions on matters of finance based solely on emotions. Usually they are dead wrong and suffer severe consequences. There is ALWAYS a risk to getting involved in any relationship, but we take that chance over and over again. We put our heart on the line over and over again, and quite often it gets broken. Knowing that, why the HELL would women add FINANCES into the mix? We not only have to put our hearts on the line but our finances as well? Do we like to live dangerously? It’s not bad enough we are risking a broken heart but now we have to add breaking our bank accounts?

If money is to play a role in our relationships, whether it is buying a home, co-signing a loan, or sharing bank accounts and credit cards, we have to use our HEADS, not our hearts. Money has no heart. Sure you love, love, LOVE him today, and he loves, loves, LOVES you too. TODAY. What about tomorrow? In matters of finances, you must always think about tomorrow! You want to buy a house together? A mortgage generally lasts for 20 or 30 YEARS. If you can make a financial commitment for 20-30 years, shouldn’t you make sure your relationship is committed? Shouldn’t you both be asking, even though it isn’t “mushy”, what will happen if this relationship ends?

If you don’t, and it does end, you are really going to wish you had a time machine and took steps to protect yourself. That is why everyone needs to express to their partner, that in all financial decisions, love is not the deciding factor. Logic is. You want to buy a house together? Fine. Spend the extra money to get some legal documents drawn up to protect you BOTH. If he put in the down payment, specify that he gets that back. If you paid for all the  furnishings, specify that if the house sells, you get to take it with you. Also, have something drawn up regarding how and when you would sell the house if the relationship ends. Does the decision have to be mutual?

What if he leaves you for another woman and stops giving you his share of the mortgage? You are going to keep paying on a house he owns half of while he does nothing. I know we don’t like to think about the bad things that may happen in life, but these things have happened to someone, and don’t think that someone can’t be you. I know a woman who pays for a house her boyfriend vacated. He is on the loan but no longer lives there. He pays for nothing, but he owns half the house. If she upgrades the house at her expense, he gets to reap the rewards. He also comes by unannounced. It is still his house, right? In the eyes of the law, YES. This is a more common scenario than you think. If you cant pay the extra money for the legal documentation to protect yourself, then wait until you do. If you are afraid to talk about this with your partner then you don’t have a strong enough relationship to begin with and shouldn’t consider this in the first place.

A woman I know spent 2 years longer with a man than she should have. He would act like an asshole and piss her off but she was afraid to say anything. Why? Because he still OWED HER MONEY. She felt she needed to stay in the relationship or he wouldn’t pay her. Now if she had a legal document saying he owed her $$ and agreed to pay $ every month until it was paid off, she could have split long ago. She would have also still been able to collect on the debt. If someone feels comfortable enough to ask you for money, then you should be comfortable enough to ask them to sign a legal document. They don’t like it, they don’t get the money. If they get offended, too bad. Better to deal with their feelings of being offended than you being up shit creek financially. STOP BEING AFRAID TO PROTECT YOUR MONEY.

You want to have your man move in because he is having financial issues? Talk about his finances, and what he can afford to pay you and contribute BEFORE he gets in! THEN DRAW UP A RENTAL AGREEMENT!!

What is the big problem? Not only are you protected financially, but if he turns into an asshole you can kick him out if he doesn’t pay. Treat the financial issues between the two of you as separate from the relationship. (Because it IS separate). He needs to pay you by a specific day of the month. Act like a landlord when it comes to his rent! If he gives you excuse after excuse, tell him to keep his rent and use it to find somewhere else to live. You should not have to keep asking him for the money he promised you. He should come to you with it. If you have to keep badgering him and he makes you out to be a nag or all about the money, you need to sit down and have a serious discussion with yourself. Would you do this to him? You are helping him out but he acts this ungrateful? You want to share a life with a person who doesn’t take responsibility for his financial obligations? Look what your financial relationship is like! Doesn’t it mirror other aspects of your relationship? If he disrespects you financially, I am sure he does it in other ways too.

Look at Paul McCartney. The entire world cringed when they heard he did not sign a pre-nup, especially when it came time for him to divorce. Most people in the world felt Heather Mills had no right to ask for any of the money he made before she came along, but the bottom line was Heather had other ideas and didn’t care what the rest of the world thought.

Many women think if they loan or help their man with money, it is a tie that keeps them together. They don’t see the other side of that double-edged sword. If a man is only tied to you because of money, your relationship is not about love anymore. If you feel bullied into lending money you don’t have, that they never seem to pay back, you are being used. Both men and women should keep their finances as separate as possible, and let the relationship stand on its own. Whatever financial agreements or arrangements they make should be protected by legal documents.

A financial arrangement that is made when your relationship is good can turn out to be the worst decision you ever made once your relationship turns sour. You can’t always protect your heart but you have no excuse to not protect your finances.

 

Copyright 2009-2015 All rights reserved. Written permission is required from the author to post on your site or be used in any way, shape, or form. If you quote an article please credit and supply a link to our original posting. While many people seem to be under the impression that we should be flattered that you use our work, we are not, plagiarism is plagiarism, and we do not find stealing our work and our ideas flattering at all and you will be prosecuted under the law.

Sarah is a Certified Relationship Life Coach and Soulmate ~ Twin Flame expert with 20+ years experience helping clients around the world live the life and have the relationship they desire. Sarah is here to empower you to see the truth in your situation, not enable you to remain in a place that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Sarah will lift you to see the reality of your situation, providing guidance to see you through it. She will also help you get control of your relationship, if it can be saved, so you have can the relationship you have hoped for. Sarah co-hosts two weekly radio shows, primarily geared toward relationship issues, called Empower Enlighten Envision on Weds nights on BlogTalkRadio as well as CBS NewSkyRadio.

2 Comments

  1. Laura

    March 25, 2015 at 10:45 am

    I will never make the mistake of mixing my personal finances with someone I am in a relationship with. I lost a lot of money and will never do that again.

  2. Irina

    March 21, 2015 at 6:14 am

    My problem is I do not know where to go to meet men. I was at a beer titasng last Saturday saw plenty of guys but none of them seemed interested in me. If I do not see someone who is interested in me by watching me or making eye contact with me I will not approach them. I work out and try to eat right but I feel unattractive and I am tired. I hate this struggle with my weight, looks and trying to date. I just want to throw in the towel. All I truly want is too be happy with myself, I do not need a man to do that. I do not want to get married again I just would like a best friend and lover. I put an ad on Craigslist under strictly platonic looking for a friend and still nothing. I go out with friends to bars and restaurants I was thinking about trying better bars to maybe find better men. My friend tries to get me go to her favorite bar but I hate it there because almost all of the men that come in there have slept with one of the female bartenders. Who in there right mind wants that?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

All original content on these pages is fingerprinted and certified by Digiprove
error: Content is protected !!