I have often heard women tell me about a great, wonderful man they were involved with who seemed too good to be true. Then, out of nowhere, they saw a side of him they had never seen before. They asked me where this side of him came from, and if he would go back to the man they thought he really was. What I told them is this: You did not know everything about him. This side of him was always there, you just did not see it until now. It is not a fluke, and should not be dismissed, excused or ignored. We are all a sum of our parts and this side of him is a part of him.
But they want to know why they did not see this before now. They never saw it coming, and did not think he had it in him. It was such a shock, and they feel stunned. That is understandable to a certain degree, but it should be expected as well. It takes TIME to really get to know someone. It also can take conflict to see the worst sides of people. How can you know how someone will react to stress until you have seen them stressed? How can you know how someone will handle an argument until you have argued with them?
To say someone seems laid back and agreeable, and then to be shocked when they are irritable and bitchy, is having too high an expectation. We are ALL capable of behaving ourselves when life is going good. It is when the going gets rough that we see what people are truly made of. Life and relationships are all going to have ups and downs, and until you see how the one you love handles the “downs” don’t assume they will handle them well. Don’t make excuses that they were going through a rough time, instead realize that this is how they will be during rough times.
Anyone can be on their best behavior (and usually will be) at the beginning of a relationship. It is when disagreements arise, and compromises and sacrifices must be made that you really begin to see exactly who you are in a relationship with. Handling life’s problems as a couple is a better indicator of how long your relationship can/will last as opposed to your tastes in movies,music and how great the sex is. Don’t ignore the side of him that is the most important.
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