Most people want to experience the connection to their partner, including the intimacy and the passion of sex in their relationship on a regular basis. So why is aren’t you having sex? Are you or your partner ill?
Have your fights gone unresolved to where you don’t connect sexually or one (or both) of you is withholding? Are either of you so unpleasant to be around? Are both or either of you being negative, always critical, and never putting out any compliments or affectionate behavior? Do you take each other for granted and then expect that because you are ready they should be too? Do you say nasty things to your partner when they are not in the mood and give them a hard time?
All of these things can contribute to a lack of sexual relations in your relationship. If you make your partner feel unattractive all week long but then on Saturday night you want them to feel turned on with no help from you, you are asking to be turned down. For men, the mood to have sex can strike immediately. For women, the mood develops slowly, and seems to be something men cannot and almost refuse to understand. (And that helps the situation? No.)
Have you both, or one of you, let yourself go? Have you gained a lot of weight, used the weekends to avoid grooming, burped and farted in front of your partner constantly and then wonder why they are finding you less attractive when you are not really doing anything to attract them? Do you think you could attract someone new with the way you behave and present yourself to your partner? Of course we don’t have to dress in ball gowns and tux’s with a make up and a hair and make up crew on standby, but we should want to be at our best for our partner, not just for strangers when we go out in public.
Do you talk about how good looking or sexy other people are in front of your partner? In most cases this would shut your sex life down immediately. Your partner does not want to hear how sexy or wonderful someone else is, they want to hear how sexy or wonderful they are.
Do you only use romantic gestures as a way to get sex? Do you feel if you are showing loving behavior you are entitled to sex? People can see right through that, and if they feel the only reason you are showing them affection is that you want sex they get resentful. They feel you are only doing it to get something for yourself. That is not a turn on, it is a turn OFF.
There are many reasons why couples may not be having sex, and hoping things will just change on their own is unrealistic.
If you want more sex in your relationship, see what you can change to make your partner want to have more sex with you. Do it freely, with no expectations. What do you have to lose?
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