Have you found yourself in an on-off relationship and wonder how it came to this? Does your relationship status constantly change so often no one takes it seriously? When you tell your closest friends and family members they never take your break ups seriously because they think you are going to get back together at some point?
On-off relationships are embarrassing to say the least. Adults are supposed to have mature relationships, and on-off relationships are far from mature. They are full of drama, have no stability, and one member of the couple is suffering horribly (sometimes both). One of them may actually thrive on this kind of relationship. Most people don’t understand on-off relationships and wouldn’t want one in the first place. Your friends and family wind up seriously disliking the one you love, and you really can’t blame them for it. You can’t blame them for getting frustrated with you because you keep giving the relationship so many chances yet nothing changes.
So what should you do when find yourself in an off and on relationship? First, ask yourself who it the one flipping the switch on the relationship. If it is you, give yourself a much-needed wake up call. What you are doing is destructive, a waste of time, and will inevitably end the relationship. Your luck will run out one day and the one you supposedly love is going to bail on you.
If your loved on is the one flipping the on-off switch you still need to give yourself a wake up call. It is not going to get better. The pattern has been established, boundaries have been crossed, and this matter is serious. It is not going to change for the better over time. It is not going to change because they wake up one day and decide to keep your relationship turned on.
If you don’t take control over how you handle both the on and the off period of this relationship it is doomed. You are being played, and you are not winning. You are losing the game every time they flip the switch. It is time to change strategies, and you need to start right now. You need to let go of your fear of losing them, because that is exactly what your loved one is counting on and the reason why they feel they can do this to you and get away with it. You need to demand respect for both yourself and the relationship. You need to stop enabling them, because whether you realize it or not, you are.
On/off relationships are so dysfunctional they cannot be changed quickly. It will take time, and you have to pay the price for letting it go on as long as it has. Take a good long look at both the ‘on” times and the “off” times. What patterns can you see? What bag of tricks do they use to end it? How does you wind up getting back together? If you look at the past you will see exactly how their game is played. You will see what patterns you are responsible for, and you have to choose to do it differently this time. The change has to start with you, or more than likely you will wind up in a dead-end on-off relationship.