REALLY Want CLOSURE or Just an Excuse for Staying Stuck

So many people say they need closure after a relationship ends. You say you need closure when the truth is he treated you poorly when you were together. You had issues with him being unfaithful or not making a commitment. You always felt insecure and unsure of his feelings for you.You had issue after issue, problem after problem, and now he is gone and you two have broken up.

You talk with your girlfriends about your ex all the time. They continue to tell you he was not worthy of you, he didn’t know you were the best thing that could have happened to him and you are better off without him. They all say it is time for you to move on, and good riddance to him! You tell them that you feel you can’t move on without closure. Do you really believe this or is this just a line of bull you are saying to yourself? It is if what you really want is to have him back.

really want closure or excuse for staying stuck

Do you REALLY want CLOSURE?

The “lack of closure” many women claim to want is, simply put, a lie. They actually are avoiding closure, because they don’t want to accept the reality that a) it really IS over or b) that is really SHOULD be over. The “closure card” is now being used instead of telling your friends and family (or whoever else is listening) “I know he is a loser, I know he treats me like dog poop, I know I will be in for more of the same behavior that I always used to complain about or cry over but I WANT HIM BACK!”

I talk to women all the time that say they are waiting for closure and will only get it when he calls them and they can speak their mind. I give many of them my “you are so full of shit” look, because many of them ARE. What they really should be saying is “I want him to call me up and want to talk so I can have the upper hand. I want him to try and be nice and want me back and I will tell him all he has done wrong to me and he will feel bad and promise to change.

I will then have to give him the benefit of the doubt and give him another shot, because if I don’t…………………….….drum roll please………… I will never know if it could have worked out and therefore won’t have CLOSURE!!” Got to love the closure thing, it’s a women’s best friend when they want to do something stupid, like for instance, write him an email,call him, or ambush him in person. Ladies, the truth of the matter is, what most of you want is a REACTION from him. It may be healing for someone to contact their ex via email, text or in person and say what they need to say. However, in many cases it just stirs everything right back to the surface again. And why talk to someone who doesn’t really care about what you have to say?

If it is really JUST about you saying your piece, then how your ex reacts, what he says, what he does, feels and thinks about it WOULD NOT MATTER TO YOU AT ALL. It would be all about YOU, and that is what closure is for, YOU. When his feelings, reactions (or lack of), emotions (or lack of), response (or lack of) have ANYTHING to do with it, then what you are seeking is NOT closure. What you are seeking is DIALOGUE. A continuum. Closure is an ENDING. Not a continuum. So be honest with yourself and the people in your life. Know what your real intentions are. Maybe if you are you can actually deal with your real feelings about this relationship and get the help and support you need. Your need for closure may begin with what they did to you, but to achieve closure, it is about what you do for yourself, not what they do for you.

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