Relationship closure seems to be the one thing, at the end of a relationship, that many people simply can not get. First, what kind of closure are you actually looking to get? Can someone else give you the relationship closure you are seeking?
In a perfect world, or on television, two grown adults will get together and have a talk about why their relationship has come to an end, and each would leave feeling they got closure on that relationship. They can now move on with their lives, leaving the baggage behind and leaving nothing left unsaid. In real life, however, this rarely ever happens. If two people do get together, they are both not necessarily 100% honest.
Since it is rare for both parties to reach an agreement that the relationship should end at the same time, one may be showing up in an effort to convince the other to give it another try. They may feel that by getting together they may stir up old feelings, and that if the other person did not care for them still they wouldn’t have agreed to meet in the first place. The person wanting the relationship to end already has closure.
They don’t need this meeting, they agreed to it for the other persons’ sake, and probably do not even want to be there. See how this conversation is not going to end well? The person that does not have closure wants answers and explanations, while it is up to the other if they give them or not. it is also up to them to be truthful. They may not want to hurt the other person’s feelings so they may leave things out or not admit to them. They may, because they already have closure, feel defensive and shut down. The person seeking closure then gets frustrated because they are not getting the whole story, or simply believe they are not. Add those two together and you have a recipe for an argument, name calling, and even possibly a scene.
So that may not be the best way to get relationship closure. So how do you do it? And why do you need it from them?
Ask yourself some questions. Other than rekindling your relationship, what could they say or do to give you closure. You may say “a good reason”. Well is there a reason you think is good enough for ending your relationship? Is there a reason you will accept? If the answer is no, then the other person can not give you relationship closure. So we will ask you again, what can the other person give you so you can have closure for your relationship? You want to get things off your chest and have them listen to you? Well, then send them a letter. As soon as you send the letter off you should have your closure. Unless of course you want to see their face and their reaction. What that means is you want to see a reaction, an emotional one. Why? For them to hurt the way they hurt you? That won’t give you closure. That is revenge. Period.
So what is next? What can the other person do/say/whatever to give you closure? We believe you get it from yourself. You give yourself closure. You choose to close the door on that relationship for good and move on.
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