In our previous post, Are You Compatible: Part 1, we covered compatibility points that some folks may think are important for them to be compatible with a romantic partner. In part 2 we are going to over some of the most important areas where compatibility is key to a happy long-lasting relationship.
1) Sexual compatibility. Whatever the degree of intimacy you are comfortable with, your partner needs to have the same. It isn’t just about being compatible sexually, although that is important too of course. If you are a touchy-feely person and your lover is not, one of you is going to be dissatisfied. Sure you can try to make them more touchy-feely, but that may wind up making them unhappy. You could accept that is just the way they are, but will YOU be ok with it, or will you keep wanting them to change?
2) Communication. If you are a talker yet when you talk to the person you are involved with you may as well be talking to a shoe, you are going to wish they expressed themselves more openly. If they just aren’t a talkative person, and you keep pressuring them to talk, most likely they are going to dread every time you get into a conversation. You could find someone else to talk to and accept that the one you love just doesn’t like to talk as much as you do. That could work for you, unless you really want a relationship where there is more of a 50/50 dialogue and you don’t feel as if you are talking to a corpse.
3) Fighting and making up: If you don’t sweat the small stuff but your partner picks a fight about every little thing, it is almost impossible to be compatible, because they are looking for chaos. If they make mountains out of mole hills all the time, and you keep trying to keep things from escalating, you are going to get frustrated with their behavior pretty quickly. Every couple fights, but if one member of the couple doesn’t know how to control themselves and acts out every time, it is going to wind up being a very tumultuous relationship. This is not the person to be involved with if you want peace in your life. They may just like to yell and vent when they are mad and are fine 5 minutes later. If you can’t stand being yelled at and it makes you feel like you are being verbally abused, again, this is not compatibility. If you have to be the person always doing the making up even if you weren’t the one that did anything wrong, you are going to get sick of that shit too. Will you accept the fact that this person never fixes what they break and will never take responsibility for upsetting or hurting you? Will you keep hoping someday the Hallmark fairy is going to blow “apology pixie dust” all over them and they will miraculously know to stop acting like an asshole and simply say they are sorry?
4) Personality traits. In order to be compatible you don’t have to be clones. You just have like each others personalities. You may not be a funny person, but if they make you laugh, great! If you want to hit him with a bat if he tells ONE MORE STUPID JOKE, then you are not compatible. If he is the life of the party and you are a wallflower, but you admire his outgoing nature, that is cool as well. If you don’t want to go out with him anymore because his outgoing ways embarrass you, you are not compatible. Opposites can work, and so can similar personalities, but opposites and similar personalities are not always compatible either.
5) Money, saving, spending and other financial issues : If you are a saver and he spends money as if it is growing on trees and puts you into debt, you are not financially compatible. Money is one of the top reasons couples fight and break up. If you cannot come up with a compromise regarding your joint finances, the incompatibilities will forever plague this relationship.
6) Common goals. If your partners dream is to retire and drive around the country in a motor home, you better share that dream. What happens when they retire and shake the keys to the motor home at you and say “Let’s go! First stop Iowa!”? Are you going to say “Nope, forget about your dream because I don’t want any part of it”? It causes friction when we don’t share in one another’s goals and dreams. No, you shouldn’t have to support your middle-aged boyfriend’s dream of becoming a professional mud wrestler, if it is unrealistic. If his dreams of becoming a professional mud wrestler are affecting your relationship in a negative way, then you are not compatible because he is delusional and you are not.
7) Lifestyle compatibility. If you are a homebody and he likes to go out, and neither of you are happy with a compromise, then you are incompatible. If you want to lose weight but your partner does not and he sabotages you rather than encourage you, then you aren’t compatible. Your lifestyles, the time you spend together and the things you do together have to mesh. Otherwise you are going to spend an awful lot of time apart or trying to get your way.
8.) The importance of marriage and children. There will be a major bone of contention throughout the relationship if one of you is against marriage but the other needs to be married at some later date. The same applies to the desire to have children. Sure, you could stay with him hoping he changes his mind down the road, but don’t blame him if he doesn’t. You knew where he stood when you started this, and you still took the chance.
There are other really important areas that show if we are truly compatible or not, and if we focus on the deep issues as opposed to the superficial ones, we have a better chance finding the right man for us.
Copyright 2009-2015 All rights reserved. Written permission is required from the author to post on your site or be used in any way, shape, or form. If you quote an article please credit and supply a link to our original posting. While many people seem to be under the impression that we should be flattered that you use our work, we are not, plagiarism is plagiarism, and we do not find stealing our work and our ideas flattering at all and you will be prosecuted under the law.