It is wonderful that you and your partner love each other so much, but if either (or both) of you are lacking in the self-love department, problems are going to pop up. As the wise and wonderful Rupaul Charles says “If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
It’s true. In any relationship, be it romantic, friendship, family, even co-workers, self-love is important if you want to have positive, healthy relationships. When you love yourself, you don’t mind being alone with yourself. Of course you may want someone in your life, but you don’t feel as though you need someone in your life to be happy. When you love yourself you are happy alone, even if you feel you would be happier sharing your life with someone else.
When you do not love yourself, you are miserable being alone and feel you need someone in your life to be happy. That won’t happen. If you don’t love yourself, someone else cannot fill that void within you. When you don’t love yourself your desperation can make you settle for relationships that are not right for you, rather than being alone. And when you do that, you often find yourself feeling lonely in those relationships anyway. It is not up to someone else to find the happiness within you. You have to reach a certain level of happiness by yourself.
When you love yourself, you can set boundaries in relationships and hold people accountable for bad behavior. When you don’t love yourself, you let people constantly walk all over you and get away with murder. This makes you hate yourself for allowing yourself to be treated badly and the cycle continues until you have very little, if any, self-esteem or dignity left. When you love yourself, you have standards, and reasonable expectations of how a friend, lover, date, co-worker or family member should treat you. When you see someone behaving in ways beneath those standards, you put it on them, not on yourself.
When you don’t love yourself, you blame yourself for others mistreatment, allow them to blame you, or feel you don’t deserve better. When you love yourself, you can be a true partner and equal in your relationships. You don’t put yourself beneath others. When you don’t love yourself, the scales are never balanced, and the relationships become one-sided. The people you have relationships with are always the takers, and you are always the giver. You wind up getting little or nothing in return for all the love that you give.
If you want positive, loving, long-lasting relationships with the right people, you have to get positive, loving, and right with yourself first.