Let’s face it, if you have to stalk, your romantic partner for whatever reason, it’s time to walk away from the relationship. If your boyfriend/husband/whatever suddenly has to work late for two weeks in a row and you get a bad feeling about it, by all means, drive by his office parking lot to make sure his car is there. Once. Maybe twice. No harm, no foul. If he gets a weird call at 2 am and says he doesn’t know who it is and you are suspicious, go ahead, check his phone while he is asleep or in the shower. Not the biggest woooo in the world.
Sometimes we get a little insecure and we have to play amateur detective. Sometimes your gut is telling you something for a reason, and we should not avoid red flags. Sometimes getting rid of a small insecurity before it becomes the size of a house and does further damage makes sense. But you are not one of Charlie’s Angels.
It is ridiculous if you have to check his phone constantly, hack into his email, twitter and Facebook accounts and do drive-byes all the time because you don’t believe he is where he says he is. Now you have crossed the line. You are a stalker. If he has given you reasons to not trust him at all, you probably never will trust him, and you will have to continue this behavior forever. Do you like doing this? Do you like driving by his house ten times a day, heart pounding in your chest, hoping he does not see you behaving this way? Hoping you do not find what you are so afraid to find? Do you like the adrenalin rush of reading his emails, wondering if he will notice they have already been read? Wouldn’t peace and tranquility feel better?
You can try to justify it and tell yourself you need to know, have a right to know and this is the only way for you to find out. The truth is you need to get the hell out of this, and now. Look at what you have been reduced to….a stalker.
How can you be this insecure (even if it is for a good reason) and claim to be happy? Legitimately, you cannot. All of this is a waste of your time, and is damaging your self-esteem and building up trust issues. If this man has not given you any reason to do these things and the insecurity and lack of trust is coming from within yourself, you need to get yourself in check because you are on a quest to prove to yourself that this person is not trustworthy. You are so focused on exposing him that you aren’t enjoying the relationship, and trust me, these insecurities are coming out in other aspects of your relationship as well.
Your insecurity can cause you to lose someone who did nothing wrong. Is it worth it to take the risk, or would you rather spend your time fixing your issues so you can have peace of mind in your relationships?
There are many women that stalk because they know damn well what they are going to find. Let’s say a woman knows her man is seeing other women, and she goes out to catch him in the act without him knowing. If she uses this knowledge to gain strength, and see him for what he is, to accept reality and either ask him for a commitment or tell him goodbye that is one thing. But to subject yourself to the torture of seeing these things with your own eyes, getting angry, upset and hurt but doing nothing and just staying with the person is cruel and inhumane punishment to you. Your self-esteem takes a major hit every time.
Why are you doing this to yourself? Why do you need to see what you already know for fact? Can’t you tell this isn’t making you stronger, just weaker? How proud do you feel about yourself doing these things? Put all this energy and time into getting out of this situation, rather than emotionally wounding yourself on a daily basis on a relationship that clearly is not worth it to begin with. If you have to stalk, it’s time to walk. So walk out, slam the door and get your closure. Period.
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