The Affair is Over – Do You Tell His Wife / Girlfriend?

If your affair or relationship with a married man is over, should you tell his wife or girlfriend that you and he had an affair? The answer is not the same one-size-fits-all. It depends on the situation and your reasons for wanting to tell her.

Let’s say you were dating (and being intimate) with a man who you thought was single. You grew closer, trusted him, and saw a future between the two of you. One day he tells you he is married or has a girlfriend. It is quite understandable that you would want to let her know about it because you have both been tricked and mistreated by this man. You may feel the need to warn her and feel sympathy for her. Especially if he ends your affair (that you did not even know you were having) because he is beginning another (or already involved in another).

But what if you knew exactly what you were getting into? What if you knew he was married or had a girlfriend and chased him or accepted his advances anyway? What if you knew he was not single and was pursing you and you allowed it? If your affair began with full disclosure between you and he, what are your reasons for wanting to tell his wife or girlfriend about it? Are you doing it because he is taking to long to leave her like he has promised over and over again? Are you considering telling her because he ended things between the two of you and wants to work things out with her? Are you angry he ended it with you and you feel hurt so now you want him to “not get away with it?” Did you end the affair because he wouldn’t leave her? Did you do it but not really mean to? Were you hoping your ultimatum would ruin their relationship so you could then have him? Is telling her about the affair to have him run back to you?

Now that you have established your reason for wanting to tell his wife or girlfriend about the affair, there are a few more points to consider:

The Affair is Over - Do You Tell His Wife / Girlfriend?

The Affair is Over – Do You Tell His Wife / Girlfriend?

  • When you tell her she may want proof. If you have any available, have it prepared. If he denies it, the proof is already in her hands.
  • Don’t confront her in person. Call her on the phone, or send her an email. This news going to most likely give her a variety of negative emotions, and you don’t need to be there to experience them with her.
  • Even if you did not know he was married or had a girlfriend, she may still hate you or blame you. Even if you have no bad feelings towards her, she may have them towards you. She may very well ask you if you knew he was not single, so be prepared.
  • She may choose not to believe you. After she has asked you questions, gotten proof and answers from you that you could not possibly make up, she may think you are the liar, not him. She may make you the bad guy, and he and she the innocent victims of a woman (you) trying to break up their wonderful relationship.
  • She is not your enemy. She has done nothing wrong to you. Regardless of the stories he told you about her, the bottom line is you don’t know her. He could tell you she is mean to him, they don’t have sex, live separate lives, but he may be lying. Be prepared to hear her side of the story. Finding out he lied to you about his relationship with her may make you even angrier than you are now.
  • If you are doing this to hurt him, remember there is a good chance you may be hurting others too. What if he has kids? How will this news affect them? If you want to hurt him, find another way.

You have choices, to tell or not tell, and before you decide give yourself time to really think about which option is for the best.


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Sarah Adelle

Sarah is a Certified Relationship Life Coach and Soulmate ~ Twin Flame expert with 20+ years experience helping clients around the world live the life and have the relationship they desire. Sarah is here to empower you to see the truth in your situation, not enable you to remain in a place that keeps you stuck and unhappy. Sarah will lift you to see the reality of your situation, providing guidance to see you through it. She will also help you get control of your relationship, if it can be saved, so you have can the relationship you have hoped for. Sarah co-hosts two weekly radio shows, primarily geared toward relationship issues, called Empower Enlighten Envision on Weds nights on BlogTalkRadio as well as CBS NewSkyRadio. 


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