Why are relationships often more complicated than they need to be? The reasons are endless. One reason is that too many people learn their relationships skills from being in toxic relationships. They leave the toxic relationship, but take the toxic behavior onto their next relationship. Is it any wonder why their relationships continue to be complicated ones? Of course not.
Another reason relationships are so complicated is that the entire process of dating seems to have been phased out. The purpose of dating was so you could get to know a person well enough to decide IF that person is GOOD relationship material. So many people bypass the dating phase entirely and try to create a relationship with someone they barely know. Then, when the complications arise, they do not have the ability to handle it. They often see another side to a person they did not know existed. If they would have dated that person for a while, chances are they could have seen that side and could have passed on the relationship all together.
Relationships are often complicated because they are the wrong relationship. They should have ended long ago but people refuse to give up. They may feel they invested so much time and energy already that if they give up now it would be a waste. They don’t realize they have already wasted ENOUGH time and energy and don’t need to waste any more.
When your relationship is more complicated than it needs to be, it might be a good idea to look at the reasons why. Are you staying together because you are afraid to be alone? Are you staying together for the kids? Those may seem like good reasons, but they will only complicate things down the road. A relationship has needs, and if those needs are not being met (emotionally, mentally or even sexually) it will end eventually.
Many relationships begin with no boundaries or labels. Without boundaries or labels the relationship becomes complicated. Without boundaries in a relationship the relationship runs amok. Boundaries provide guidelines of behavior and create reasonable expectations for one another. When one person disrespects every boundary they disrespect the relationship itself. When they are allowed to get away with it, bad patterns emerge. Bad patterns of behavior will always complicate a relationship and bring a whole lot of drama to it as well.
When a couple cannot communicate well, their relationship breaks down. When you are afraid to have an important discussion or express your feelings, your relationship is way too complicated. You should be able to say what is on your mind, and say it in a grown up way. When people cannot articulate their feelings, desires, etc misunderstandings can easily occur. Misunderstandings cause complications. When a couple doesn’t touch base or their main form of communication is via text, their relationship suffers and stagnates.
Be sure to check in next week for Part 2 of why relationships are complicated.