There are right reasons and wrong reasons to stay in relationships. One of the right reasons could be that you have, for the most part, a great relationship and are just going through a tough time right now. No reason to just leave because things got a little tough. Couples are supposed to be there for one another, through the good times and the bad times. But what if the relationship is 80% bad times with very little good? What is a good reason for staying in a relationship like that? There isn’t one. Yet a surprising number of people find reasons to stay stuck in relationships that only fill their lives with misery. They come up with reasons, wrong reasons mind you, to justify to themselves and others why they have not left yet. They will use wrong reasons for staying in crappy relationships such as:
1. ” I know he treats me like crap and won’t change but I love him”. This is the number one wrong reason to stay with him. Go love him from afar. At least he won’t get to treat you like crap. You are miserable anyway, so why not try being miserable without him. You can’t love someone who treats you like crap unless you don’t really love yourself. If you did, you wouldn’t tolerate such treatment and would know you deserve better. If would also give you the courage to leave or create change in the relationship. So stop using that excuse. Don’t wait around for him/her to love you until you love yourself first. Stop putting all your energy into trying to make them love you. Put your energy into learning to love yourself. The rest will fall into place.
2. “We just bought a house together so I have to stick it out, at least for now”. Oh please. Just because you made a bad financial decision does not make that a good reason to stay in a crap relationship. It is another wrong reason to stay. Why make one bad decision after the other? How can that possibly be a good idea? Contact a lawyer or financial advisor, learn your rights, or accept the financial loss and face it. Learn from your financial mistake rather than use that as the wrong reason to make a mistake regarding your relationship. You can recover your financial loss in time. But do you really want to lose both your money and your life? Think of it, you are wasting your time being with the wrong person for the wrong reasons! You can’t get that time back!
3. “I’m too old to start over”. Seriously? With age is supposed to come wisdom. That reason doesn’t sound wise at all. Sure you are older, and so is everyone else. You have the experience now to have learned what will truly make you happy. Why stay in a relationship that you know won’t make you happy? Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured. Haven’t you endured enough bullshit for one lifetime? Don’t let your age being another of the wrong reason you consider staying in a relationship that isn’t working.
4. “Things used to be so good between us, and I am hanging in there until things get good again”. Uh, who said they would get good again? Chances are things got even worse rather than improved. Who gave you a guarantee your relationship would get good again? Especially if it was only good in the beginning? Why are people still falling for this myth? Why do people think the beginning of a relationship holds more weight than the bulk of the relationship? This is one of the worst reasons to stay in a relationship, because it is not based on reality. The reality of your relationship is the bulk of your relationship, not a snippet.
5. “Divorce is expensive, I can’t afford a lawyer, they will turn the kids against me etc.” Divorce isn’t cheap, I will grant you that, but it is one of the wrong reasons to stay in a relationship. So many people who no nothing about the law have pre conceived notions about the divorce process. Start by finding out the facts. Talk to someone who actually went to law school as opposed to your friends and what you assume. Find out the actual costs, and how to best protect yourself. Then ask yourself if being free of a crappy relationship and having the ability to find love and happiness is worth the cost.
The list of wrong reasons to stay in a relationship is endless. We would love to hear some other wrong reasons people you know, or even yourself, have used to stay in a relationship.